IELTS writing task 2: few people walk every day

I'm preparing for my IELTS exam. Can you please review my essay? Thank you!

Topic: Fewer and fewer people walk on a daily basis. What are the reasons and how to encourage them to spend their time walking?

It is true that only a small number of people these days walk regularly. There are several reasons behind this tendency, and various solutions should be adopted by governments and individuals to improve the situation.

There are two important reasons why fewer people enjoy walking today. First, modern vehicles are convenient and cheap, and they enable people to commute comfortably and quickly. In fact, even people who have a job in developing countries, such as Vietnam or Cambodia, can easily afford to buy a car, which certainly discourages them to walk to work. Second, people these days often enjoy staying at home in their free time rather than participating in outdoor activities. Youngsters, for instance, spend most of their leisure time playing computer games or chatting with their friends on Facebook, although playing sports or walking outside is obviously better for their health.

Fortunately, several measures could be taken to prevent this problem. The first solution is that governments conduct a number of promotion campaigns to encourage their citizens to walk more. For example, some TV programmes and advertisements should be broadcasted every day to show people that walking is beneficial to their health not only physically but also mentally. In terms of individuals, adults, especially parents, should set a good example for their children by walking more often. If a father walks to a bus station and commute to work by bus rather than drive to work every day, his children are likely to follow this healthy habit.

In conclusion, it is clear that there are various reasons why these days very few people walk every day, and steps need to be taken to tackle this problem, not only by the government but also by individuals.