IELTS WRITING TASK 2 ESSAY

Hi! I’m having my ielts test in a week so I’m very grateful if someone can judge and evaluate one of my task 2 essays down here.
Here is the question:

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic. Write at least 250 words.

Some people believe that money is the most important factor for achieving happiness. However, others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money. Agree or disagree?

And below is my essay, I finished it in about 35 minutes and had little changes in word so it was approximately 40 minutes.

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Many believe that in order to achieve happiness, there is nothing more important than money and there are also those who do not think in that way. From my point of view, I would partially agree with this statement, which can be interpreted even though money can bring happiness to a person, but it is not solely the key. Further reasons will be discussed in the course of the essay.

To begin with, it can not be denied that money plays a significant role in not only human's physical life but also mental life. As an ordinary human being, anybody would feel exceedingly grateful when earning salaries or bonuses from their company. It symbolizes that one has successfully completed their task and was rewarded for their contribution. Besides, this is also a valuable factor if you are planning to entertain or encourage yourself. There is a say that money can not buy you family, but it can buy you food, which means instead of meaningless cheer-up words that you might have listened to a thousand times, you may go to the supermarket and reward yourself with some snacks or a fabulous filet mignon.

On the other hand, it is not the solution if you were in need of human interactions to deal with unhappiness. Money can buy you supplements for an upgraded life quality but it does not contain any emotional factors to make your life blissful. If a person uses it to buy themselves a friend, they may never acknowledge the term real friendship. In contrast, having a true accompany is considered invaluable that no money can buy.

To conclude, this issue has always been argued since money both brings out benefits and drawbacks depending on different people and situations. People can use it as a bridge to achieve mostly material elements, but when it comes to the need for mentality, we should come to term that there is no valuable purpose to use money in this situation.