IELTS writing task 2 : Could you check this essay for me?

Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is true that there is a widespread concern over the practice of extreme sports, to the extent that some people argue that they should be outlawed by government legislation. While nobody should underestimate the risks, I would argue that people should be free to practice such sports if they so wish.

On the one hand, critics of dangerous sports give strong reasons why governments should impose on an official ban on such activities. Firstly, they argue that the safety is top prioritized. There are many situations when members of rescue team have to put their own life at risk to save extreme sports enthusiasts who are in life-threatening situations. Secondly, it is necessary at times to infringe on personal freedoms because people who lack the necessary experience or who are not in the peak of physical condition sometimes take up dangerous sports. Such irresponsible behavior can only be prevented by banning these sports.

On the other hand, I concur with those who argue that people should be free to do extreme sports, although I believe it is necessary for individual to abide by the safety rules. One reason is that the imposition of sensible safety measures has been proven to minimize the risk of accidents and injuries. For example, all sports which carry a significant element of danger, such as scuba diving or hiking should be supervised by experienced and professionally qualified instructors. Another factor is that there is now a range of essential sports gear to protect those who practice dangerous sports. Such equipment ranges from safety ropes and helmets to water-resistant clothing.

In conclusion, it seems to me that dangerous sports should be permitted, although those who take part have a responsibility to adhere to the recommended safety procedures.