[IELTS WRITING TASK 2] Could anyone give detailed feedback and band score for my essay

Everyone should stay at school until 18

Do you agree or disagree?

Whether school attendance should be made mandatory for all people under 18 or not has triggered a heated concern. In my view, I completely agree with this argument. In the following paragraphs, I tend to provide some justifications to support my point. The primary reason for raising schooling age to 18 is that more education provides assistance to adolescents in acquisition of new academic and practical knowledge as well as necessary skills, which is translated into brighter career prospects. It is several times researched that the more crucial skills that people have, the more competitive they become in the labour market. Not only do they have little difficulty in getting ideal jobs but also their levels of job satisfaction are likely to experience a surge increase. Provided that there be increased numbers of highly skilled workers in the workforce, the national economic potential will be unarguably reinforced. Another reason for extending education length is that the age between 13 and 18 is the most impressionable age. At this age, children may easily suffer social manipulation if they do not receive correct guidance, resulting in juvenile delinquency. This is because during adolescence, children undergo emotional and hormonal changes in themselves, so they are irresistible to many forms of addiction. Therefore, an extended period of education given has a crucial role in protecting children from committing societal crimes. In conclusion, not only does extending schooling period help young people get more access to the world of professionalism but also acts as an effective deterrent against juvenile delinquency.