IELTS WRITING TASK 2: COMPUTER GAMES
Please give me some feedback on my essay. I'm preparing for my IELTS exam and getting stuck on this. I'll be very grateful for your help, Thanks in advance.
Prompt: Computer games are very popular for all ages and nationalities. Parents think this has little educational value and will be harmful to children.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Essay
Since the digitalized era came, computer games have become more common. It’s often thought that computer games have adverse effects rather than beneficial ones. In my perspective, I concur with that view. As I’ll be discussing, PC games seem to be detrimental to children, immensely far outweigh its advantages.
To begin with, video games affect lifestyle negatively. Many evidence deems that computer games are addictive. If children become too obsessed with virtual game consoles, it’ll lead to several bad influences on their welfare. To exemplify, indulging in PC games cause less personality development. The overall health of kids will be worse and cause feeling fatigued, irritable as well. Occupying computer games too much time per day also encourages a sedentary lifestyle and disinterest in other activities. Thus, the child will end up wearing spectacles and confusing the real and fantasy world.
Likewise, PC games provide near as no educational value. Kids may be impacted by hazardous impacts. For demonstration, video games like “Call of Duty” may have many violent action screens, as a result, children may have aggressive behaviors. In addition, that kind of game does have more attraction rather than puzzles, quiz games which have more academic effects. Also, kids can have misunderstanding life values, and be isolated from real society. Consequently, young gamers will not be diligent and disciplined in their studies.
To summarize, while proponents arguing the advantages of video games, I would side with those assuming that computer games don’t affect the player in an optimistic manner. PC games cause bad behavior and non-educational values if gamers do not play wisely. I thought that parents should keep track of their children’s gaming behavior before they become addicted.
(4 paragraphs, 281 words)
Top answer
Since the digitalized era came , (that does not make sense) C omputer games have become more common. ) often thought that computer games have adverse effects rather than beneficial ones. In my perspective , (The verbs concur or agree already express your perspective.
- Since the digitalized era came , (that does not make sense) C omputer games have become more common.
- ) often thought that computer games have adverse effects rather than beneficial ones.
- In my perspective , (The verbs concur or agree already express your perspective.
- ) I concur with that view.
- (Just write your opinion followed by your reasons.
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Since the digitalized era came, (that does not make sense) Computer games have become more common. It’s (Do not use contractions in formal writing.) often thought that computer games have adverse effects rather than beneficial ones. In my perspective, (The verbs con
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