IELTS writing task 2: communication in a group

Could anyone help me with this topic. Thank you

"In most successful organisations, some people believe that
communications between managers and workers is important, other
people said that other factors are more important. Discuss both views
and give your opinion?"

It is true that many factors affect the success of an organisation. However,
in my opinion, the communication between leaders and employees is the
most important part as it will be described in the essay.
There are several important factors accounting for a well-running
community. Firstly, the ability of the staff members plays a vital role. The
common goals of the organisation could be easily achieved when each step
of the process could be done by members who are skillful in their tasks. For
instance, in a football tournament, the players of the champion team usually
win individual prizes such as Most Valuable Player or Top Scorer. Secondly,
members in a community need to show their solidarity. It is true that a team
need to face a number of challenges from not only other teams’ impacts but
also the relationships between its own staff members. To overcome
problems, teammates need to lessen their ego and cooperate together.
However, the communication between man in charge and other individuals
in a group is definitely the most important factor. First of all, managers are
the most expericenced people in dealing with problems. Therefore, other
member could acquire knowledge from their boss throughout talking.
Moreover, a freely communicating environment makes staff members feel
respected when they could possibly discuss their own opinions with their
managers. Due to that, they tend to be more active in their jobs.
To conclude, although a number of factors distribute to a group’s success, I
believe that the communication between the boss and other members is the
key factor.