IELTS WRITING TASK 2. Can you please check my essay? Thank you for your help

Levels of youth crime are increasing rapidly in major cities in Vietnam.

What are the reasons for this? Suggest some solutions.

My essay:

Major metropolises in Vietnam have witnessed an alarming rate of juvenile delinquency in the past few years. From my perspective, the deficiency of parental supervision and the increasing level of poverty are the catalysts of this issue; however, the meticulous care from parents as well as vocational education provided by the government can tackle such issue.

Firstly, the main root of youth crime lies in the way adolescents are nurtured by family members, particularly their parents. In order for the holistic development of children, it is mandatory for parents to raise them with love, care and support throughout their childhood. However, there is still a sad reality, contemporary parents tend be become workaholics with the desire is: if they have higher income, their children will have a more fulfilling life. Therefore, they accidentally neglect their children, more serious, are not capable of giving advice or support to their children in time. To solve this, parents must spend more time with their children to shape children’s thoughts and behaviors; thus, this may restrain children from making mistake and then committing a crime.

Another considerable factor is poverty caused by globalization, which widen the yawning gap between the wealthy and the impoverished. This inevitably means that those who were unfortunately born in indigent family and are reluctant to work industriously, turn to rob and steal to manage their life. I assume that strict sanctions is only able to partially mitigate youth crime, alternatively, the government should send young criminals to juvenile detention centers, where they can have a chance to improve their morals and get some vocational training so that they can find a job to support themselves later.

In conclusion, juvenile offence is the consequence of insufficient care from parents and poverty, but feasible solutions from both family and the government will tackle this problematic phenomenon.