IELTS WRITING TASK 2 AND WRITING FEEDBACK

I have recently written an essay. Could you give me some feedback? Thank you so much.

Topic: Uniforms in schools produce unity but on the other hand, limit freedom of expression. Should uniforms be banned in schools?

These days, greater homogeneity tends to mean higher levels of trust between individuals. While some people think that wearing uniforms plays a vital role in education, other people regard uniforms to be inessential. I agree that uniforms should be refused to allow in schools because of several reasons.

First of all, many people, especially students, might not express themselves in their way, which can often make them lose their identity since the dress code is strict. Furthermore, uniforms can make students curtail their freedom to some degree. It is noticeable that numerous schools force students to wear shirts in unique styles with a distinctive logo, for example.

Second, a plethora of individuals believes that uniforms are secondary because they think that there is something more important than regulation uniforms. It can be a strict code of conduct or notable student achievement, for example. It is an apparent fact that students are willing to express themselves most fully in their potential in place of their uniforms.

However, many people believe the inverse is true. They think that uniforms are a great unity to identify people who they are. They may not have thought about the high self-esteem and the basis of every single one.

In conclusion, wearing standard uniforms ought to be abolished in schools because people need to be aware of the inappropriateness of using uniforms as the sole benchmark for students. In the future, students can perceive and express themselves in their way if they can.