IELTS writing task 2 academic

Question

I hope you can help me find the issues of this essay

TOPIC :

Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists but not local people. Why is this the case and what can be done to attract more local people to visit these places?

Many museums and historical landmarks are able to appeal to large numbers of tourists but fail to achieve the same effect when it comes to locals. In this essay, I will discuss the main reasons for this before suggesting solutions to remedy this problem.

To begin, there are many factors responsible for declining rate in local attendance. First, some who live in this region seem to be familiar with their traditional customs and historical events. Going to these places seems to be waste of time and money due to the entrance cost, and absolutely people would not pay an amount of money for something they have already known. Moreover, the attraction seems to be stodgy and too traditionally educative to provide a convincing welcome to the locals. However, these places always pick tourists’ curiosity during their first trip.

Several measures can be prompted to promote locals’ attendance rate at buildings for historical relics and museums. First, those places should serve both education and entertainment purposes. For example, more recreational zones should be constructed to increase the number of locals coming and enjoying their leisure time. Besides, declining entry fees for regional people should be taken into consideration as a method. According to recent research, a decrease of 10% in entrance fees would enhance at least 20% of local people to come to these places.

In conclusion, there are two major causes that discourage locals to spend time in the nearby museums and historical landmarks as mentioned, and proper actions should be taken to attract people to go to such places.

Teechr · Accepted Answer

~~Many~~ Museums and historical landmarks are important places of culture and recreation. However, often those places are able to appeal to large numbers of tourists but fail to achieve the same effect when it comes to locals. ~~In this essay, I will discuss the main~~ There are several reasons for this phenomenon, but ~~before suggesting~~ effective solutions to do exist that can remedy this problem.

To begin, there are many factors responsible for ~~declining rate in~~ the relatively low number of local visitors to museums and historical places. ~~attendance.~~ First, some ~~who live in this region seem~~ consider themselves to be familiar with their traditional customs and historical events, and to them, going to these places seems to be waste of time and money. ~~due to the entrance cost, and absolutely~~ Those people would not pay ~~an amount of~~ money ~~for~~ to see something they ~~have~~ already know about. ~~known.~~ Moreover, the attraction seems to be stodgy and too traditionally educative to provide a convincing welcome to the locals. However, these places always pick tourists’ curiosity during their first trip. [ 1]

Nevertheless, ~~Several~~ effective measures can be ~~prompted~~ implemented to promote local ~~s’ attendance rate at buildings for~~ interest in historical relics, sites and museums. First, those places should serve both education and entertainment purposes. For example, more recreational zones should be constructed to increase the number of locals coming and enjoying their leisure time. [ 2] Besides, ~~declining~~ reducing entry fees or even waiving them for ~~regional~~ local people can encourage locals to take a greater interest in their museums and historical sites. a~~should be taken into consideration as a method. According to recent research, a decrease of 10% in entrance fees would enhance at least 20% of local people to come to these places~~. [ 3]

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[ 1]: I do not understand what that means. Think of other ideas instead.

[ 2]: That is not well thought out. Try to refine that idea.

[ 3]: Do not make up imaginary examples and numbers.

Revise your essay and repost it below if you wish.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Many museums and historical landmarks are able to appeal to large numbers of tourists but fail to achieve the same effect when it comes to locals. ~~In this essay, I will discuss the main reasons for this before suggesting solutions to remedy this problem.~~

Do not mention your essay. You are just repeating the instructions without a thesis statement.The examiner knows you are

Do not mention your essay. You are just repeating the instructions without a thesis statement.The examiner knows you are going to write these things, so briefly introduce your main points to them. e.g

The main reasons are that the exhibits and content are too familiar and the entrance fees too steep, but there are solutions to attract more local people.

To begin, there are many factors responsible for ~~declining~~ the low rate of in local attendance. First, almost everyone ~~some~~ who lives in the ~~this~~ region is already very ~~seem to be~~ familiar with their traditional customs and historical events. Going to these places seems to be waste of time and money due to the entrance cost, and absolutely people would not pay an amount of money for something they ~~have~~ already know about. ~~known~~. Moreover, the attraction seems to be stodgy and too traditionally educative to provide a enticing ~~convincing~~ welcome to the locals. However, these places always ~~pick~~ pique tourists’ curiosity during their first visit. ~~trip~~.

Several measures can be suggested ~~prompted~~ to promote locals’ attendance rate at buildings with ~~for~~ historical artifacts ~~relics~~ and works of art. ~~museums~~. First, those places should serve both education and entertainment purposes. For example, more performances or live demonstrations could be held on weekends and holidays ~~recreational zones should be constructed~~ to increase the number of locals coming and enjoying their leisure time. Besides, reducing ~~declining~~ entry fees for families with children ~~regional people~~ should be taken into consideration as a method. According to recent research, a decrease of 10% in entrance fees would result in ~~enhance~~ at least 20% of local people to coming to these places.

In conclusion, there are two major causes that discourage locals to spend time in the nearby museums and historical landmarks ~~as mentioned,~~ (Avoid the word "mention" referring to you previous ideas) and proper actions should be taken to attract people to go to such places.

IELTS writing task 2 academic

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