Ielts Writing Task 2 (2.1). Plesae help me check it

TOPIC 8: There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than international music heard everywhere nowadays?

Thanks to the development of technology, music becomes more diverse and more accessible to everyone in the world. There is no doubt that music plays an important role in our lives no matter what kind of it.

Music has a positive impact on our daily life. First, listening music helps people relax after a hard-working day. It probably reduces the stress level and keep people living more healthier. Second, many persons can get inspiration through a few songs. They may find motivation or life purpose which can encourage them to live a better life. Moreover, music can be considered as a source of creativity. Artists can be triggered to come up with a number of wonderful ideas by some good rhythms.

In my opinion, traditional and international music has the same important level these days. Customary music is a crucial part in the culture of a nation. It reflects partly history, habits and customs, national spirit in an approachable way which is appropriate for everyone who is interested in culture. Therefore, it contributes significantly to national identity conservation. In contrast, music which is globally popular is usually created for entertaining. Although it do not usually contain many national elements, it is still being loved and becomes the place where people can connect together without cultural barrier, which reinforces the connection between people all over the world.

To sum up, music is an essential part of our lives and every kind of it has the same important level.