IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - 2 parts question

Please help me to correct some grammar, sentence structures as well as collocation mistakes.

Topic: Money is important in most people's lives, although some people think it is more important than others. What do you feel about the right uses of money? What other factors are important for a good life?

It is true that money has become one of the significant roles in this modern world since nothing is free of cost. I believe that money could be used in various ways to enhance people's lives. However, I believe such that time and health are two elements which are more valuable than money in a superb life.

It cannot be denied that money has come into play a vital part of people life improvement. Firstly, people spend money as a mean to purchase basic material needs such as clothes, food, and other forms of materials. For example, money allows people to afford luxury clothes, delicious meals as well as a better life condition full of modern amenities. Another right of using money is giving charity to poorer people to make the world even better. Indeed, it appears that undeveloped countries receive the donation from developed nations.

Clearly, it is believable to say that time is more important than money since its values. For instance, a billionaire or a general public both have equally 24 hours a day. Furthermore, health is also one of the factors that people cannot buy with money. Although people can have quality health services, there are still incurable diseases that human may unable to deal with such as the AIDS or cancer.

In conclusion, money is a significant contribution to people's lives. Yet, it seems obvious to me that there are still more valuable aspects to a worthy life. The importance is how to people use money in the right ways and balance their needs.