IELTS Writing Task 2
Hello everyone, please assess my writing task 2. Thank you very much and have a nice day!
Topic: At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?
Answer
In this day and age, it is true that young adults make up a remarkable part of the demographic statistics of some countries in the world rather than the elderly. In my viewpoint, despite the fact that this phenomenon generates some demerits, it is advisable that its merits should also be carefully considered.
On the one hand, it is understandable why this shift in population is disadvantageous. Notable is that the rising number of juniors will cause negative impacts on the environment. Not only are more land required for accommodations and modern services but resources such as water and electricity are consumed to raise the living standard.
On the other hand, it is believed that the benefits of this disparity are crystal clear. First and foremost, the increasing number of juveniles in the population is a guarantee for a rich laborer source in the future. For example, Vietnam is a nation with a huge number of junior citizens with potential abilities. While the elderly are incapable of working, Vietnamese young adults contribute their efforts to improve the future of national industries. Following this, that the young generation outnumbers the old one reduces the burden on general community services. As the number of senior residents declines, the national and local authorities no longer have to pay an enormous amount of retirement salaries. In addition, the strains that old patients place on national health services are eliminated.
In conclusion, the advantages of this phenomenon is by far of paramount importance compared to its disadvantages.
Top answer
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0You wrote 249 words, which is below the minimum. You will probably lose points for not writing enough. And that is problematic since task 2 counts twice as much as task 1 for your writing score.
Aim to write 270-300 words for Task 2. Practice writing a lot of essays so you get a feeling for the length.
You can use this word counter:
0In this day and age, it is true that
(Avoid these useless "dummy-it" clauses. They are just distracting and annoying. They add no content to the your sentence; they only make it weaker. Compare:
1) It is true that my smartphone is brand new. It is true that I bought it yesterday. It is true that I had to save up money for months to pay for it.
2)
0Celinieolder people.
It's questionable whether that is needed. Until recent years, people in the UK normally just said old people. There is no obvious need to add er on the end. The same applies to younger versus young.
0
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