Ielts writing task 2

Please help me correct my essay and give me a score if possible.

It is true that individuals barely spend time on jogging. There are a number of reasons behind this tendency and several solutions should be adopted by themselves to improve the situation.

There are two primary reasons why people rarely walk. One reason is that most adults stumble into their dizzying pace of life by accident. They become busy with work, university, romance, children, buddies and Netflix. There is just not enough time. The most convenient and easy thing to sacrifice is time to exersice. For example, a study in America has shown that almost people usually work from 10 to 12 hours per day. It costs half a day of them so they use the time left for other activities rather than walking. Furthermore, advancements in technology have also made it harder for teenagers to exercise regularly. It is really straightforward to be addicted to smartphones, video games and social media today and thus these addicts can not find time to work out or they just can not get out of this circumstance.

Fortunately, several measures could be taken to prevent this problem. The first solution would be health awareness education. Schools should raise awareness of students about negative effects on their health if they do not walking frenquently. Schools need to organize more sports competitions such as hiking or orienteering to encourage individuals do more exercise. More than that parents also need to help their children to form habits in sports even if parents can walking when they was young. It not only helps their health better but also tightens family bonds.

In conclusion, it is clear that there are various reasons for people do not walking regularly, and steps need to be taken to tackle this problem.