Ielts Writing Task 2

Question

Dear teachers, I'm trying to study IELTS Writing and I hope I would get some feedback for my essay. Thank you so much!

Question: Some people think that hosting an international sports event is good for the country while some people think that it is bad. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

My essay:

Some people argue that it is beneficial for the country to host an international sports event while others believe this is negative. While organizing this event might bring some disadvantages, I maintain the opinion that this is good for the host nation to develop its tourism and global cooperation.

To commence with, being the host of an international sports event can have some demerits. Firstly, the host nation would have to allocate a large amount of money for the event to refurbish its infrastructure and hire employees. As a result, this could lead to a lack of budget for other emergency problems such as education or health care. Furthermore, the country organizing the event is likely to cope with environmental pollution. This could be explained by the fact that there would be many audiences who litter indiscriminately when coming to watch the live event.

Despite the mentioned disadvantages above, I believe that hosting an international sports event is a good chance for the nation to develop in various aspects. The tourism industry of the host country can witness rapid development because of overseas tourists coming to cheer for their national teams. In addition, this event could help the host country widen its cooperation with global companies around the world. The reason for this is that this event will be broadcasted on the national channels of all the participant countries, which is an incredible chance to advertise and attract investment.

In conclusion, although hosting an international sports event could have adverse impacts on the environment and state budget for urgent problems, I restate that this is a good chance to help the host nation develop its tourism industry and attract global investment.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Your essay is a good length.
There are some awkward sentences and word usage.

The most significant problem is that you did not write a clear "discuss both views" essay type. You wrote an "advantages/disadvantages" essay type. That is likely to cost you some points since you did not respond correctly. Learn the five essay types and the best response for each one.

Here you must write one paragraph on the view that is opposed to hosting these events, followed by a second paragraph which has the viewpoint of those who are in favor.

Some people argue that it is beneficial for ~~the~~ a / their country to host an international sports event while others believe this is negative. While organizing this event might bring some disadvantages, I maintain the opinion that ~~this~~ such and event is an ideal opportunity ~~good~~ for the host nation to develop its tourism and global reputation. ~~cooperation~~. (awkward usage. You can write "promote global cooperation.) )

~~To commence with,~~ (very awkward usage) being the host of an international sports event can have some ~~demerits~~. negative consequences (wrong word. "A demerit is a black mark on a person's record.) ~~Firstly,~~ First, the host nation would have to allocate a large amount of money ~~for the event~~ to refurbish its infrastructure and hire employees. As a result, this could lead to a lack of funds ~~budget~~ (wrong word) for other essential services ~~emergency~~ ~~problems~~ such as education (Education and schools are not an emergency problem.) or health care. Furthermore, the country organizing the event is likely suffer from ~~to cope with~~ environmental pollution. This could be explained by the fact that there would be many audiences who litter indiscriminately when coming to watch the live event.

Despite ~~the mentioned~~ (awkward usage. The demonstrative adjectives are used exactly for this purpose. "Mentioned, aforementioneds, and other variations are not good native English.) these disadvantages ~~above~~, I believe that hosting an international sports event is offers a good chance for the nation to develop ~~in various aspects. The~~ (very awkward usage) its tourism industry ~~of the host country can witness~~ ~~rapid development~~ because of the large number of overseas tourists coming to cheer for their national teams. They will book rooms in the local hotels, enjoy the local cuisine and sign up for tours to the local attractions. When they return home, they will tell their friends and neighbors about that great experience, which is great advertisement for future visitors. (You need to develop your points better.) In addition, this event could help the host country widen its cooperation with global companies ~~around the world~~. (This is repetitious with "global") The reason for this is that this event will be broadcasted on the national channels of all the ~~participant~~ participating countries, which will ~~is an incredible chance to~~ advertise the country's features and attract investment.

In conclusion, ~~although hosting an international sports event could have adverse impacts on the environment and state budget for urgent problems,~~ (That is not a proper response to this essay type. ) I restate that this is a good chance to help the host nation develop its tourism industry and attract global investment.

Ielts Writing Task 2

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