Ielts writing task 2

hello there

i would be appreciated if anyone amend my writing.

topic:

some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.

essay:

Some individuals argue that disseminating data in scientific research, business and the academic world without restriction is beneficial, while others believe that some vital information must be kept secret. I admit that both approaches have pros and cons, my opinion will be reinstated.

To embark on, in virtue of social networks, people around world can easily get informed about various issues. This can help them to broaden their horizons and even boost their creativity. To cite an example, scientist and students at universities can utilize updated data to promote their knowledge, thereby they are able to have more constructive thesis or articles. Moreover, sharing medical information has pushed the boundaries of treatments. Specifically, during corona virus pandemic revealing all necessarily things such as health tips, for being immunized from this disease, has decreased the range of illnesses whole around world.

Nevertheless, there are some special cases which information diffusion causes harmful and hazardous situation for nations and administrations. For instance, spreading new foundations in technology intelligence which has used in companies or even for modern weapons and nuclear, would predispose for rivals, enemies and even terrorists to abuse this knowledge. Undoubtedly enemies and violent criminal may become catastrophic threat for nations and innocent people. Thereby it is essential to keep some crucial information confidential.

Inconclusion, data dissemination in realms of science, business and academic research can provide beneficial sources for various individuals in order to up lift their perspective and wisdom and to be prosperous. Meanwhile it is also should be noticed that the access of ill intents or destructive aims could be a menace for human beings. thus, according to public expediency, collection of information must be hidden.