IELTS WRITING TASK 2

Please help me correct this writing task 2.

Topic: The purpose of businesses is to make money and they should concentrate only on this.
Do you agree or disagree?

There are some opinions that the purpose of operating a business should only focus on making a profit. I partially agree with this point of view because there are other issues that companies need to concern more than just making money.

On the one hand, making money plays an important role in keeping companies being operated well. If businesses want to successfully maintain their position and thrive, they must have the capital. For example, paying basic expenses, such as staff salaries, transportation, facilities, is essential. In addition, companies need finance for innovation and expansion, which can help them be more lucrative. When going into operation, if a company has a deficit, this may lead to going bankrupt.

On the other hand, I believe enterprises should focus on not only profits but also on other issues such as the treatment of employees. Firstly, employees are important factors that contribute to the success of businesses. By considering offering good remuneration policies to employees, the company can receive loyalty from them. For instance, when working in a factory, workers who get benefit are more likely to stay and to work more efficiently. Secondly, in the modern era, where knowledge is always required, a corporation has to constantly enhance the quality. Therefore, investment in improving the skill of staffs is also considered. In order to keep up with the development of technology, high-tech goods manufacturers have always been training their employees, otherwise, they will be left behind.

In conclusion, although making profit is important, other issues need to give thought when running a business. The more companies pay attention to it, the more opportunities to improve they can get.