Ielts writing task 2

Question

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your opinion.People have different views about how to teach youngsters to become good members of society. Some are convinced that this is for school to take responsibilities. However, I would opine that parents play a vital role in educating children how to make significant contribution to societyOn the on hand, schools give teenagers a chance to have an acquaintance which might be helpful and useful. For instance, should an individual be financially strapped, making a phone call for knowing people will be more easier. Additionally, schools help children with learning soft skills. There are numerous organizations launched by principle and headteachers in order to run a swimming course, which is highly recommended and appreciated nowadays. However, it is undeniable that schools contain a significant number of unwell students who could negatively affect on othersOn the other hand, such a convenient distance that parents would easily attach to their children. Regardless of study time, family would get together at dinner time on a daily basis, what mostly ancestors do is talk about how hard their life is, accidentally it has a positive impact on children’s mind, young people would acquire these experiences and have superb views on challenges happening to them. Furthermore, it is parents who always wish children became better with all their love, not only would it make children feel they are loved but it also formulate them a golden heart. People surrounding always have a good impression with a dedicated, honest and well-organized oneIn conclusion, schools educate children a great number of skills that are helpful for future but family is responsible for teaching plenty of qualities that are necessary to every individuals in society. From my perspectives, both parents and schools should strongly encourage youngsters become good members of a society

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

People have different views about how to teach youngsters to become good members of society. Some are convinced that this is for school to take responsibilities. However, I ~~would opine~~ (Opine" is a very rarely used word. I would avoid it. It is mostly used in extremely formal, legal contexts.) assert that parents play a vital role in educating children how to make significant contributions to society (missing punctuation.

Do you have any opinion about the role of schools? I don't know who would ever disagree with you that parental guidance is vital. But what about that in comparison with the school system?. It is not a good answer for this essay. )

On the on (wrong word) hand, schools give teenagers (In your first paragraph, you said "youngsters". These are children who are younger than teenagers. Now you say teenagers. You need to be consistent in your arguments.) a chance to have an acquaintance (That is a very vague and feeble statement - chance and acquaintance are both very weak ideas. It is much better to write definite and strong ideas as your opinion. ) which might be helpful and useful. For instance, should an individual be financially strapped, making a phone call for knowing (That does not make sense. I do not understand your point. Do you mean that children will meet people in school who will give them money? That is completely off-topic..) people will be more easier. Additionally, schools help children with ~~learning~~ soft skills. There are numerous organizations launched by principle (wrong word) and headteachers in order to run a swimming course, (That does not make sense. I do not understand your point.) which is highly recommended and appreciated nowadays. However, it is undeniable that schools contain a significant number of unwell (Do you mean they have mental illnesses? ) students who could negatively affect on others (missing punctuation.)

Most of this paragraph was off-topic. I did not understand your ideas. You must express them in clearer language. You need to think about your ideas clearly, and then write them in logical, coherent text. Your writing tends to be disjointed, with little cohesion and coherence. What does swimming have to do with good manners?

On the other hand, such a convenient distance (That does not make sense. ) that parents would easily attach to their children. Regardless of study time, family would get together at dinner time on a daily basis, what mostly ancestors (That does not make sense. Ancestors are dead people. Dead people do not talk. ) do is talk about how hard their life is, (Comma splice. Do not join main clauses with a comma.) accidentally it has a positive impact on children’s mind, (Comma splice. Do not join main clauses with a comma.) young people would acquire these experiences and have superb views on challenges happening to them. Furthermore, it is parents who always wish children became 9wrong verb form) better with all their love, not only would it make children feel they are loved but it also formulate (wrong word)) them a golden heart. People surrounding (wrong word) always have a good impression with a dedicated, honest and well-organized one (wrong word, missing punctuation)

In conclusion, schools educate (wrong word) children a great number of skills that are helpful for future but the family is responsible for teaching ~~plenty of~~ (informal expression) qualities that are necessary to every individuals (ungrammatical ) in society. From my perspectives, (wrong form) both parents and schools should strongly encourage youngsters become good members of a society (missing punctuation.)

Ielts writing task 2

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