IELTS writing task 2

Question

Hello, would you correct my ielts writing task 2 and precdict how many points can i got. thanks so much.

TASK 2. It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction

We have argued that punishment is necessary to help children learn this distinction in order to differentiate between right or wrong for them in the early years of their lives. I agree that punishments can sometimes have positive effect on children; on the other hands sometime it’s useless for them. So I believe that parents and teacher should choose the proper ways to punish their children.

From my point of view, punishment can change the awareness of children. Once they have wrong- doings such as disobeying, telling a lie, skipping lesson, instant punishment are important for them to realize their mistakes and get rid of bad behaviors. Some parents could give them warnings or physicl punishments if they were too sturbbon. For example, I skipped lessons at elementary school to hangout with my friends, and then my mom knew the truth she asked me to walk to school or find the best way to go to school instead of picking me up for a week. This not only helps me realize my mistake but also growth my self-discipline.

In contrast, people hold the view that parents and teachers should choose the appropriate ways to teach good behaviours and heighten awareness of them. Because harsh corporal punishment can affect negatively children’s psychology such as mental disorders and pose a threat to their physical health. Instead , parents can choose for educational punishments such as doing houseworks, setting limit an entertained time, reducing their pocket money for a week. Teachers, similarly, should not reinforce harsh corporal punishment or humiliate them in front of the classmate but alternatively require them write down their mistakes to educate them about school discipline, submit more homeworks or clean the class.

In conclusion, it is such a necessary thing to educate children how to discriminate between right or wrong, however; punishment should be chosen carefully

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

First, you did not copy all the instructions. The essay prompt and question are vital to assessing your band score. I assume these are the complete instructions:

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

You make many many little mistakes.

You must learn how to write noun phrases with a conjunction. You have omitted critical conjunctions in many sentences.

Wrong: Sally invited Sue, Jimmy, John to her party.
Right: Sally invited Sue, Jimmy and John to her party.
Right: Sally invited Sue and Jimmy, but not John, to her party.

Wrong: Punishments such as writing a misspelled word a hundred times, wiping the whiteboard after class, apologizing to the classmate you bullied are appropriate for teachers to use.

Right: Punishments such as writing a misspelled word a hundred times, wiping the whiteboard after class and apologizing to the classmate you bullied are appropriate for teachers to use.

I have highlighted the errors in yellow.

We (Wrong pronoun. You have not argued anything yet.) have argued that punishment is necessary to help children learn this distinction in order to differentiate between right or wrong for them in the early years of their lives. I agree that punishments can sometimes have positive effect on children; on the other hands sometime (wrong word) it’s (Do not use contractions in formal writing.) useless for them. So I believe that parents and teacher should choose the proper ways to punish their children (missing punctuation. Also you have not answered the essay prompt. with an adverb of extent.)

From my point of view, punishment can change the awareness of children. Once they have committed wrong- doings such as disobeying, telling a lie, skipping lessons, (ungrammatical noun phrase. Missing conjunction.) instant punishment are important for them to realize their mistakes and get rid of bad behaviors. Some parents could give them warnings or physicl punishments if they were too sturbbon. For example, I skipped lessons at elementary school to hangout (wrong form) with my friends, and ~~then~~ when my mom found out, ~~knew the truth~~, she asked me to walk to school or find the best way to go to school instead of picking me up for a week. This not only helps (wrong tense) me realize my mistake but also growth (wrong word) my self-discipline.

In contrast, people hold the view that parents and teachers should choose the appropriate ways to teach good behaviours and heighten their awareness of them. Because harsh corporal punishment can affect negatively children’s psychology (psychology is a school subject. ) such as mental disorders (Mental disorders are not psychology.) and pose a threat to their physical health. (The previous sentence is a fragment, not a complete sentence) Instead , parents can choose ~~for~~ educational punishments such as doing houseworks, (wrong form) setting limit (wrong form) an (wrong word) entertained (wrong word) time, reducing their pocket money (The previous noun phrase is ungrammatical. Missing conjunction) for a week. Teachers, similarly, should not reinforce (wrong word) harsh corporal punishment or humiliate them in front of the classmate (wrong form) but alternatively require them to write down their mistakes to educate them about school discipline, submit more homeworks (wrong form) or clean the class. (wrong word. Should they give a bath to their school friends? Also the noun phrase is ungrammatical. Missing conjunction.)

In conclusion, it is such a necessary thing to educate children how to discriminate between right or wrong, however; (wrong punctuation. The semicolon comes before "however". The comma comes after "however.) punishment should be chosen carefully

IELTS writing task 2

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