Ielts writing task 2

Question

Please review my essay! Thank you very much!

Topic: Without capital punishment our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society.

There is no denying that the death penalty plays an important role in society’s security by stopping the growth of violent criminality. Therefore, some people believe that it is compulsory for limiting cruelty in society. In my opinion, I totally agree with this opinion and I will give my personal view.

The first and most obvious reason is that the death penalty brings a peaceful, well-qualified and safe life to society. Let’s imagine a particular dangerous offender who is not subjected to the death penalty. After he gets out of jail, those who have witnessed against them or those who have ever judged them will not have a peaceful life because of anxiety, fear of someday being revenged. As a result, the others will lose faith in the law because they never assist in witnessing a killer since they afraid of being implicated and possibly killed and the police will face many challenges to maintain the society’s security.

Another reason why I am in favor of keeping capital punishment is that it will punish a criminal as an example for others. To be more precise, everybody must think about the consequence when they do anything. Thanks to this, people can raise more awareness and confidence before any situation in order not to pay a heavy rise for any inconsiderate action.

In conclusion, it can be said that capital punishment contributes to assisting the government to protect people from dangerous ingredients. My personal view is that the government should keep capital punishment, however, capital punishment should be more humanized.

Nguyễn Thư · Accepted Answer

There is no denying that the death penalty plays an important role in society’s security (> social security) by stopping the growth of violent criminality. Therefore, some people believe that it is compulsory for limiting (> to limit) the cruelty in society. In my opinion, I totally agree with this opinion and I will give my personal view.

(the structure is it is compulsory (for somebody/something) to do something)

The first and most obvious reason is that the death penalty brings a peaceful, well-qualified and safe life to society. Let’s imagine (don't use this structure in writing, it is informal) For example/For instance/An illustration for this is when a particular dangerous offender who is not subjected to the death penalty. After he (you have to mention the gender of the offender before write this word, or else, you have to write he or she) gets out of jail, those who have witnessed against them or those who have ever judged them will not have a peaceful life because of anxiety, fear of someday being revenged. As a result, the others will lose faith in the law because they never assist in witnessing a killer since they afraid of being implicated and possibly killed and (I think it would better to use another phrase to replace "and" : moreover/furthermore/etc.) the police will face many challenges to maintain the society’s security.

Another reason why I am in favor of keeping capital punishment is that it will punish a criminal as an example for others. To be more precise, everybody must think about the consequence when they do anything (well, it's not so precise, what are the consequence ? You need to mention at least one). Thanks to this, people can raise more awareness and confidence before any situation in order not to pay a heavy rise for any inconsiderate action.

In conclusion, it can be said that capital punishment contributes to assisting the government to protect people from dangerous ingredients. My personal view is that the government should keep capital punishment, however, capital punishment should be more humanized.

The last sentence of the conclusion is not so fluent, here is my suggestion : "From my perspective, it is suggested that the government should apply capital punishment in some specific serious crime, as well as consider if there is any case can be humanized."

P/s : The comment above is not from an experienced person in marking writing. I am also a learner, so if there is any confuse, please reply and let me know. Thank you!

Ielts writing task 2

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions