IELTS Writing Task 2

Question

Can you check my essay for me, please? Thank you very much. I really appreciate your help. Here is my topic.

Topic: Some people think that liking your job is more important than how much money you earn while others think that your salary is more important than how much you like your job. Compare the two views and give your opinion.

Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

My essay:

It is argued by many people that choose their jobs based on the size of the salary offered while others think that liking your job is an indispensable role than how much money you earn. Personally, I think that job satisfaction must be more important than money.

On the one hand, most people enjoy having a job with a high salary and it makes them feel satisfied no matter what kind of job they do. First, the salary is essential in order for employees to survive and a great proportion of people rely on the money they earn from their jobs. For example, we all need money to pay for housing, food, bills, health care, and education. Most people consider it a priority to at least earn a salary that allows them to cover these needs and have a reasonable quality of life. Moreover, some jobs require employees to be highly skilled, equipping themselves with good skills in line with the general development. However, not all of these jobs are paid well.

On the other hand, pursuing one’s interests will always bring pleasure and a feeling of satisfaction. Because of their love of career and passion for work, there are some who are willing to help students become talented people who can bring many benefits to the country. For instance, researchers spend their life in research and not because of appealing wages, they do not enjoy life much but they are passionate about that. That’s why it is more important to choose the kind of work that makes you happy than to look only at a high salary.

In conclusion, most people want to earn money; but really people still exist who prefer to pursue what they are interested in. I strongly believe that job satisfaction is more beneficial than a high salary because it makes people happy and motivated in life.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

It is argued by many people that choose their jobs based on the size of the salary offered

(This is not a good sentence structure. Your sentence is ungrammatical. This is what you have written in active voice rather than passive voice:

Many people who choose a job based on salary argue (expected ending: while others never argue.)

You are saying that these people argue a lot.

) while others think that liking your job is an indispensable role (wrong word. A role is a function or a part in a movie played by a person.) than how much money you earn. Personally, I think that job satisfaction is ~~must be~~ more important than money.

On the one hand, most people enjoy having a job with a high salary and it makes them feel satisfied no matter what kind of job they do. First, the salary is essential in order for employees to survive and ~~a great proportion of~~ most people rely on the money they earn from their jobs. For example, we all need money to pay for housing, food, utility bills, health care, and education. Most people consider it a priority to at least earn a salary that allows them to cover these essentials ~~needs~~ and have enough left over for savings and a reasonable quality of life. Moreover, some jobs require employees to be highly skilled, equipping themselves with good skills in line with the general development. However, not all of these jobs are paid well.

On the other hand, pursuing one’s interests will always bring pleasure and a feeling of satisfaction. Because of their love of career and passion for work, there are some who are willing to help students become talented people who can bring many benefits to the country. For instance, researchers spend their life in research and not because of the appealing wages, (comma splice error, ungrammatical sentence) they do not enjoy life much but they are passionate about their work. ~~that~~. That’s why it is more important to choose the kind of work that makes you happy than to look only at a high salary.

In conclusion, most people want to earn money; but ~~really~~ people ~~still exist~~ who prefer to pursue what they are interested in still exist. I strongly believe that job satisfaction is more beneficial than a high salary because it makes people happy and motivated in life.

IELTS Writing Task 2

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