IELTS Writing Task 2

Can you check my essay for me, please? I'll really appreciate your help.

Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Children should begin learning a foreign language as soon as they start school.

My essay:

In the early stages of developing a brain, people have equipped with skills to communicate with each other with special abilities for understanding and acquiring language. This ability gradually declines over time because people need to develop another skill, which is necessary for survival. Thus, receiving and applying a new language becomes easier for young children. Moreover, children in this stage have the ability to imitate and copy the new sound correctly, this is convenient for the comprehensive development of the ability to pronounce new words in children.
On the one hand, learning a second language provides many benefits for children. Children can learn composite things because they are too young to understand that it is difficult. Thus, they are able to learn a second language in an easy way. Also, learning a foreign language may make their knowledge wider when they become an adult. This will bring a lot of opportunities for children in the future. Secondly, learning a new language can broaden children’s horizon because of enhancing their social skills. When they learn a foreign language, they become more interested in that country and can make a connection with more easily. Moreover, they can cope with their future issues related to their field of study by having access to the variety of sources presented in their second language.
On the other hand, many believe that children should not learn a foreign language because they will probably use that language most of the time, therefore, they might fail to remember their own language. Moreover, foreign language instruction should be delayed until children have developed comprehensively in many aspects of psychology or constitution (at least 4th grade).
In conclusion, I think that it is essential for children to begin learning a foreign language in their early ages. It brings many benefits such as great pronunciation. Also, it helps a child develop and gain more knowledge which is good for the long run.