IELTS Writing Task 2?

Please help me to check and correct this essay. Thank you so much.

Some people say that the Internet is making the world smaller by bringing people
together. To what extent do you agree that the internet is making it easier for people to
communicate with one another?

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Today, we can obviously notice that plenty of technological inventions are made to improve life quality. Top of all, the appearance of the Internet made a revolution and brought a new method that helps people in communication. In my own perspective, I agree that the Internet makes it quite easier to exchange information, news, ideas with others.

In my older brother’s case, for instance, when he was a freshman in the university, the existence of the Internet was not so popular. So if he had wanted to let my parents and I know somethings such as his study or health, he would have written letters and it took many days to be arrived to my hometown. It was quite inconvenient. Then 2 years latter, some laws had been given by the government in order to make the Internet become more popular in Vietnam. After that marked time, he could contacted us everyday without any time-barrier. The internet does the same things to everyone, not only in familial communication but also in chat with friends, commercial goals or emergency.

Advantages and dis advantages are like both sides of the coin, they usually run parallel. Besides the positive advantage, the internet could bring us lots of problems such as eyes-harming due to the blue light from technological devices, undermining teenagers health because of lack of outdoor activities or causing Internet -aholic.

In conclusion, I would like to say that the Internet is one of the most powerful, wonderful and successful tool in communication and many aspects in our modern life. If we did not use it in a proper way, it would lead to serious problems.