Ielts Writing task 2

Essay topics: At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

It is true that nowadays, the population structure of some countries consist of a relatively large number of young adults. Despite some obvious drawbacks of this trend, I believe that these are outweighed by the benefits.
On the one hand, there are two major demerits for this trend. First of all, as the population of some countries has continued to grow, it may leads to overpopulation. Overpopulated countries like China and India has been facing many problems including the depletion of resources and the degradation of the environment. As a result, the cost of basic commodities like food, water and shelter will rise. Secondly, with the rising number of young adults, number of jobs will not meet the demands. More people will face the risk of unemployments.
On the other hand, I believe that the advantages are more significant than such disadvantages. One reason for this view is that the youngster is energetic, creative and can come up with new ideas. They will contribute to the overall growth of the country, especially developing countries. In the history, many nations became powerful with the leading of these young adults. For instance, Israel used to be a third world country in the 50s and 60s. But along with the flow of immigrants came the source of millions of people in the working age. In just 30 years, Israel has become one of the most developed country in the world, and are currently the leading country in the 4th Industrial Revolution.
To conclude, I believe that despite some disadvantages, it is crucial for every countries to have a high proportion of young adults for its growth, especially developing countries.

Can you please correct and give some feedback on my writing please? Thank you so much and I'll very appreciate