IELTS Writing Task 2

Question

----- Please help me with grammar and idea. I feel my idea and explain are not clear ------Topic: Advertisements are becoming more and more common in everyday life. Is it a positive or negative development?A growing number of producers are deciding to use advertisement products become a part of strategic sales. While there are several advantages to advertise, I believe that overall the drawback are more significant.Admittedly, the advertisement has several benefits. Firstly, advertising is a key part of modern business. A new and high-quality product is produced to market but customers do not know about them. Advertising could introduce that product with some eye-catching images and make them become popular in the market. For example, the price of a coca-cola can include 59,8% marketing and advertising expense. Secondly, without advertising, we would have less choice. If the market has only one product, it leads to the monopoly and makes increased price when buyers consume many that product. When there is competition between many products, consumers has better choice for their family.Despite the positive impacts mentioned above, I believe that advertising outweighed by the potential problems. Firstly, children can easily be influenced by advertisements. When children watch some advertisements are not unrealistic and exaggerative, they could be mimic that advertisements result in significant consequence in their mind. Secondly, advertising manipulates people. It aims to persuade people about the function of products but we could not know exactly about them or even advertisers talk to function does not have in that goods. It is lead to results in purchasers could buy unsuitable commodities.In conclusion, advertising is an integral part of the creative industry but it impacts could lead to the negative influence on some people.

Teechr · Accepted Answer

Please help me with grammar and ideas. [ 1] I feel my ideas [ 1] and ~~explain~~ explanations are not clear.

Topic: Advertisements are becoming more and more common in everyday life. Is it a positive or negative development?

~~A growing number of producers are deciding to use advertisement products become a part of strategic sales.~~ Advertising is growing, and nowadays we see advertisements everywhere, for example, on TV, online, on billboards and in printed media. While there are several advantages to advertising, I believe that overall the drawbacks are more significant.

Admittedly, ~~the advertisement~~ advertising has several benefits. Firstly, advertising is a key part of modern business. A new and high-quality product is produced to and put on the market but customers do not know about it. ~~them.~~ Advertising could introduce that product with some eye-catching images and make ~~them~~ it become popular in the market. [ 2] ~~For example, the price of a coca-cola can include 59,8% marketing and advertising expense.~~ For example, a new soft drink may struggle to compete with established brands on the market. Therefore, it is necessary to promote it through an advertising campaign targeted at the intended audience. Secondly, without advertising, we would have less choice because consumers may not be aware of less-known brands. If the market has only one or two product types, ~~it leads to the~~ a monopoly may emerge, and ~~makes~~ that means increased [ 1] prices due to reduced competition and inefficiency. ~~when buyers consume many that product.~~ When there is competition between many products, consumers have ~~has~~ better choice and can benefit from reduced prices. ~~for their family.~~

Despite the positive aspects ~~impacts~~ mentioned above, I believe that the drawbacks of advertising outweigh ~~ed by the~~ its potential benefits. ~~problems.~~ Firstly, children can easily be influenced by advertisements. When children watch some advertisements which are [ 3] ~~not~~ unrealistic ~~and~~ or exaggerated, ~~ive,~~ they could [ 4] be mimic unsafe actions in ~~that~~ those advertisements, resulting in dangers to their health. ~~significant consequence in their mind.~~ Secondly, [ 5] some advertising manipulates people. It aims to persuade people ~~about the function of~~ that a product has a certain function or quality, but that function or quality is non-existent in fact. ~~we could not know exactly about them or even advertisers talk to function does not have in that goods. It is lead to results in purchasers could buy unsuitable commodities~~. That is misleading, and it is a major problem with advertising. It means consumers buy the wrong products or products that they do not really need.

[ 6] In conclusion, advertising means better choice and lower prices for consumers, but it also has several disadvantages including the negative influence on children and the pressure on consumers to buy the wrong products or products that they do not need. ~~is an integral part of the creative industry but it impacts could lead to the negative influence on some people.~~

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[ 1]: When we talk in general about something that is a countable noun, we use the plural.

[ 2]: That example is off topic.

[ 3]: Be careful of double negatives.

[ 4]: You have two verbs there - “be” and “mimic”.

[ 5]: Avoid extreme/absolute statements. In that example, without “some”, you would be saying “all advertising” manipulates people, which is not true.

[ 6]: Do not write a generalized statement in your conclusion. Summaraize the specific points/findings of your body paragraphs.

Note: if you want to increase your word count, give actual (specific) examples in your body paragraphs.

IELTS Writing Task 2

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