IELTS writing task 2

Please check some mistakes for my essay. Many thanks!

Some people believe that in order to give opportunities to new generation companies should encourage high-level employees who are older than 55 to retire. Do you agree or disagree? Why?

My essay:

People have different views about whether companies should give position for young workers by encouraging senior members who older than 55 to retire. While I agree that young generation is the best choice of business enterprise, I believe that forcing old staff to retire early could pose some negative effects for their companies and local government.

On the one hand, forcing old employees to retire to give the position for young job seekers have some merits. First, they always have practical and applicable ideas to meet the current needs of the organization. This is because fresh graduates are instilled and imparted the most updated knowledge and skills at universities. Besides, the youth live in the world with the sharp growth of science computer and advance technology. So it is easy for them to access and apply the essence of technology to earn more profits for companies.

Second, an increased proportion of young adults could enhance working efficiency and effectiveness. Compared with age staff, youngers are often physically stronger and vigorous. For that reason, they can carry out heavy workloads to meet the deadlines.

However, sacrificing senior employees to save youth workers could pose several negative influences. Primary, it is undeniable that every person within business enterprise has right to devote their works as long as they are capable of, regardless of their age and their capacity. So, this act seems to be violated the law of human right and could foster a sense of unfairness between two generations. Second, mass forcing the early retirement could generate financial burden for local governments. For example, authorities have to spend budget on paying for their early pension.

In conclusion, even though young generation brings a variety of benefits for companies, it is convincing that forcing the early retirement could increase the financial pressure for government.