IELTS WRITING TASK 2

Question

I'm going to take IELTS examination so I really need your help. Give your suggested band for this answer if you do not mind. Many thanks!Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid.  To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other kinds of aid could be provided?Within the world of intermingled nations, prosperous countries see money donation as financial aid to the poorer ones but, however, it seems to be ineffective because of poverty still happened. In my opinion, I concur incapability of helping the poor nations by giving them money, with regards to other types of aid which is much better.On the one hand, the phenomenal failure of money donation appears to result from managing reasons. Firstly, money is likely to ignore people who most need it if national deliverers make mistake. In other words, there would be some people taking that amount of money for personal uses. Inevitably, the supporting money would end up in pockets of political elite classes, leading to increase in financial corruption in officials. Secondly, money is capable of solving temporary problems like famine which last long. So in the long run, it becomes meaningless as opposed to other long-term investments.Instead of donating money, the rich countries can have different approaches to help the poorer ones. First, the transformation of technological advances boost producing time, entailing development of economy. Specifically, economic growth can be synonymous with the alleviation of social problems, which richen nations as well. Second, professional training properly helps to boost awareness of manufacturing levels, thus improving working efficiency. In this case, permanent technological investment would be the best kind of aid.In conclusion, money donation is not the best way for the rich countries to do. For all the reasons aforementioned, long-term technological investment appears to be the developing key to help develop the poorer ones.

Teechr · Accepted Answer

You have some good ideas there, but the essay is not well written. The problem is that your sentences are unnecessarily complicated and, therefore, unnatural. Rewrite it using clearer and simpler expressions, and shorten your sentences. Use more sentences if necessary. Post below.

Duc Tran A. · Answer

Thanks for helping me realize that the way I write is unnatural and awkward. I've tried to rewrite it in simpler expressions. But I think this essay needs improvement. I am looking forward to your comment, teechr!

With wealth gap gradually widening, prosperous countries see money donation as financial aid to poorer ones but it is ineffective. In my opinion, I concur with the fact that giving money is not the only way to help the poor nations.

On the one hand, the phenomenal failure of money donation may result from managing reasons. Firstly, money is likely to ignore people who most need it if national deliverers make mistake. In other words, there would be some people taking that amount of money for personal uses. The supporting money would then end up in pockets of political elite classes. This can unwantedly lead to increase in financial corruption in officials. Secondly, money is capable of solving temporary problems like famine which last long. So in the long run, it becomes meaningless as opposed to other long-term investments.

Instead of donating money, the rich countries can have different measures to help the poorer ones. First, the transformation of technological advances improves productivity. Moreover, economic growth can alleviate social problems, which richen nations as well. Second, professional training properly helps to raise awareness of manufacturing levels, thus improving working efficiency. To be more clearer, if workers in the poor countries have special knowledge about their fields, they will understand more how things work. Then, they will solve any problems happening. In this case, permanent technological investment would be the best kind of aid.

In conclusion, money donation is not the best way for the rich countries to do. For all the reasons aforementioned, long-term technological investment appears to be the developing key to help develop the poorer ones.

IELTS WRITING TASK 2

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