IELTS WRITING TASK 2

Question

Please help me check my essayTopic:Many species of animals have become extinct in recent times. What are the causes of this? What solution can you suggest?We are living in a great age of discovery, but simutaneously having to pay a high environmental price for these developments. Whole classes of creatures have suffered preticious drops or probably vanishing from the Earth. This phenomenon happens in response to human-forced climate change and habitat loss. However, government intervention can contribute to mitigate this problem.To begin with, degraded habitat and global warming should be ascribed to the vulnerability to extinction of some species. Animals are expected to live in smaller patches of habitat due to the large-scale destruction of forests and grasslands to fulfil human needs for mass agriculture, urbanization, roads and mining. Gradually, the disappearance of some species is inevitable. Climate change to which the sort of extreme weather conditions are directly linked substantially contribute to accelerate global extinction rates. Rising temperatures, altered rainfall together with higher sea levels, all of them will change the ecosystem where animals inhabit, in some cases beyond the tolerate ranges of some species if they do not adapt quickly enough. For example, the shrinkage of sea ice due to higher average temperature poses a fundamental threat to the ability of polar bear to feed and survive since they need platforms of ice to reach their prey of ringled and beared seals.The alarming loss of species requires governments to implement specific conservation strategies to reverse the trend. First of all, enforcing a ban on deforestation is a workable solution to safeguard animals against the loss of their homes and further curb global warming. All forest areas should be conserved as nation parks, and thus any individual and organization who is involved in cutting down trees must be punished severely. As regarding to climate change, it is imperative to reduce current emission levels through promoting the use of clean, renewable energy such as wind, solar power and geothermal heat. Fossil fuels including gas, coal, oil which is currently the most common type of energy lead to serious environmental pollution since when they are burnt, they release extremely poisonous gas, ranging from carbon dioxide, nitrogen dioxide  to sulfur dioxide.In conclusion, I believe for the personal benefits, people are overlooking the significance of their surrounding environment. Although human activities are extremely damaging the habitat of species, the authorities could tackle this issue by enacting stricter laws against deforestation and environmental contamination

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

We are living in a great age of discovery, but simutaneously having to pay a high environmental price for these developments. Whole classes (class is much higher in the taxonomic ranking than species. Do no use "synonyms" for scientific terms, because they have different meanings. See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Class (biology)) of creatures have suffered preticious drops or (missing word) probably vanishing from the Earth. This phenomenon happens in response to human-forced climate change and habitat loss. However, government intervention can contribute to mitigate this problem.

To begin with, degraded habitat and global warming should be ascribed to the vulnerability to extinction of some species. (? You wrote that the vulnerability to extinction is the reason for degraded habitat an global warming. That is opposite to waht you wrote in the previous paragraph.) Animals are expected to live in smaller patches of habitat due to the large-scale destruction of forests and grasslands to fulfil human needs for mass agriculture, urbanization, roads and mining. Gradually, the disappearance of some species is inevitable. Climate change (missing punctuation) to which the sort of extreme weather conditions are directly linked (missing punctuation) substantially contribute (wrong form) to accelerate global extinction rates. Rising temperatures, altered rainfall together with higher sea levels, all of them will change the ecosystem where animals inhabit, in some cases beyond the tolerate ranges of some species if they do not adapt quickly enough. For example, the shrinkage of sea ice due to higher average temperature (wrong form) poses a fundamental threat to the ability of polar bear (wrong form) to feed and survive since they need platforms of ice to reach their prey of ringled and beared seals.

The alarming loss of species requires governments to implement specific conservation strategies to reverse the trend. First of all, enforcing a ban on deforestation is a workable solution to safeguard animals against the loss of their homes and further curb global warming. All forest areas should be conserved as nation (wrong form) parks, and thus any individual and organization who is involved in cutting down trees must be punished severely. As regarding to climate change, it is imperative to reduce current emission levels through promoting the use of clean, renewable energy such as wind, solar power and geothermal heat. Fossil fuels including gas, coal, oil which is (wrong form) currently the most common type of energy lead to serious environmental pollution since when they are burnt, they release extremely poisonous gas, (wrong form) ranging from carbon dioxide, (missing word) nitrogen dioxide to sulfur dioxide.

In conclusion, I believe for the personal benefits, people are overlooking the significance of their ~~surrounding~~ environment. Although human activities are extremely damaging the habitat of species, the authorities could tackle this issue by enacting stricter laws against deforestation and environmental contamination (missing punctuation)

IELTS WRITING TASK 2

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