IELTS Writing Task 2

Please help to correct my essay. Thanks so much.

---------

Some people think that the main purpose of schools is to teach children to be a good citizen or worker rather than to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

------------

It is true that almost school try to help student to become a good inhabitant or employee instead of developing their personal skills. I completely agree with this idea.

On the one hand, all students are mostly touched how to become the good man or women. Firstly, the education in lots of school focus on teaching the general knowledge. Although this give student the good awareness for developing, they do not recognize their individual strength. For example, the lecturer gives the same knowledge for all of students and evaluate them in the same way. Then, they do not care about their advantages and just try to follow their teacher’s instruction. Secondly, most schools are in pressure to educate student to be a good citizen. If someone is criminal and he used to study in that school, its reputation will be affected.

On the other hand, there are a variety of reasons why helping student improve their strength is not the most important criteria in school. One reason is the number of students is more than teacher. For instance, when I was a student, there are thirty or forty members in class that was managed by a teacher in my ex-class. Therefore, he does not have enough time as well as ability to help each person develop their skills. Furthermore, in the countryside, the condition for children is not good. If a child is talent in singing, it is so hard to him to become a singer because of the lack of opportunity for practicing and showing.

In conclusion, it is certainly true that the numerous schools do not focus on developing individual student’s skill because it is more important for them to help their student become a good man or women.