Ielts Writing Task 2

Please help me correct this essay. Thank you !!!

Topic: Nowadays, celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement ?

In recent years, stars of the media are getting more attention from citizens for their scandals and wealthy lives rather than their talents and dedications. Although there are some bad celebrities to blame on, I still praise several artists that devote the best of themselves for the entertaining industry.

It is logical that some people have to try to create fame in order to maintain their reputation and survive in a competitive environment. Nowadays, more and more entrepreneurs are investing in the entertaining industry with the sole aim of earning profits, and their singers or actors must meet the needs and attentions of viewers before their talents are accepted. Hence, getting involved in scandals is presumably the shortest path that lead them to their ambitions. This results in the consequence that many countries experience a huge number of artists debuted every year but a very few of them are truly prominent in talents. They eventually earn more fame as becoming a product representative for some famous firms without getting no achievements in their original career.

While this trend is affecting badly to our next generations, I do believe that their are existences of dedicated celebrities who are the most possitive role models for youngsters. Most viewers and fans of celebrities are young children, and they are also most affected by things or people they admire regardless of bad or good things. But this industry can not be so prosperous without the real artists, they are trying their best day by day just want to satisfy their audiences and passions. Celine Dion, Jeckie Chan, for example, are undoubtedly best known by their exceedingly talents.