Ielts writing task 2

Hello, I'm Giang from Vietnam. I wrote a essay preparing for Ielts test. Can you check it for me, please. Thank you so much

It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people have valued the role of local history to shoolchilren over that world history in my opinion. I disagree with those people as both of them are equally essential for young learners.

On the one hand, studying history of their hometown is for sure a dispensable part of student’s curriculum. I believe local history studying can foster the youth’s patriotism. For instance, in primary and secondary schools, teachers tend to teach the kids how their ancestor defended the land against outside intruders and reclaimed sovereingty . Therefore, the children may take pride in their origin and treasure their life as it is today. What is more, have a deeper insight into history of one’s locality can provide them a better understanding of their hometown’s values and indentity

On the other hand, history of other places can also lend youngsters surprisingly benefits. In some cases, children will be equipped with well-rounded perspective of life through past events from other countries. We can see Feminism and World War as a example. By learning those events, learners are likely to respect the woman rights and protect them against the woman’s abuse and discrimination. Additionally, the learning of world history can enable them to access to better job opportunities when they have intension of working abroad. They may get less cultural shocks than others thanks to previous history learning

In conclusion, I think that there should not comparision between the importance of local and world history since they are vital to schoolchildren in different angles.