Ielts writing task 1(map)

Question

Hi everyone,Please help me to check this essayThank you for your helpThe maps show the development of a village in Stokeford over a period of 80 years from 1930 to 2010Overall, the biggest changes that happened in the village was the construction of a large number of residential houses. Additionally, shops and farmland completely disappeared in 2010.There are shops near houses to the west of the bridge, and these shops were demolished to make way for more residential houses, whereas the post office nearby still existed. Bridge had more branches with a large number of houses built close to them, while farmland disappeared in 2010.To the east of the bridge, there was a new bridge branch, and more houses were erected along this branch in 2010. Meanwhile, primary school was expended, while farmland to the northest was demolished. The area for garden was narrowed in 2010 to make way for more houses, and retirement home replaced all large houses

Poster · Accepted Answer

The maps show the development of a village in Stokeford ['the village of Stokeford' means that the village itself is named 'Stokeford' not the surrounding area.] over a period of 80 years from 1930 to 2010

Overall, the biggest changes that happened in the village

Overall, the biggest changes that happened in the village was ['Changes' is plural, therefore 'that is plural, therefore we need a plural verb.] the construction of a large number of residential houses. Additionally, shops and farmland completely disappeared in 2010. ['In 2010' means in that year, but not earlier: by 2010 would be more accurate.]

There are [Not now there aren't!] shops near houses to the west of the bridge, and these shops were demolished to make way for more residential houses, whereas the post office nearby still existed. [When? In the past? What about now?] Bridge [Which bridge? ] had [When? Past, present or future?] more branches [Trees and retail banks have branches; bridges do not. ] with a large number of houses built close to them, while farmland disappeared in 2010. [We do not know in which year the farmland disappeared: maybe over a period of several years.]

To the east of the bridge, there was a new bridge branch [???], and more houses were erected along this branch in 2010. [Do you mean a side-road? How do you know it was in 2010, and not in 2009? ] Meanwhile, [Which primary school?] primary school was expended ["Expend" is similar to "spend''.], while farmland to the northest [spelling] was demolished [How can one demolish farmland? Houses, buildings yes, but land no.]. The area for garden was narrowed in 2010 [How do you know which year?] to make way for more houses, and [missing article] retirement home replaced all large houses [missing full stop/period.]

It needs much more work on tenses and articles.

Ielts writing task 1(map)

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