Ielts writing task 1 (Predictions) - Ask for review

Question

The bar chart illustrates the distribution of the world's population in four countries (India, China, USA and Japan) from 1950 to 2002, and estimations in 2050.

By looking at the four countries, there were a clear downward pattern in China, USA and Japan. China had the largest population in the world, however, it is expected to be replaced by India in future while Japan remain the lowest over the given years.

With regards to the China accounted for nearly a quarter of the global population in 1950, then declined slightly to exactly one fifth over the five decades. Second in terms of population, meanwhile was India with the inverse relationship with China. A gradual grow can be seen between 1950 and 2002, at 15% and around 17% respectively. A similar pattern is predicted for both countries, China will drop 5% considerably standing at 15% and India will overtake China with a continuous rise to nearly a fifth in the future.

Both USA and Japan shared an insignificant minority of population over the given years, with triple less than the other two countries. America shared roughly 6% of the total world population in the first 50 years, and remain steady for the next decades. Likewise, there were also a slight fell of Japan’s population with less than 5% and is predicted to have a constant decrease reaching approximately 2% in 2050.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

You wrote over 230 words. The minimum is 150. It is better to focus on writing fewer words in high-quality sentences. Target Task 1 essays for 160-180 words. Be very exact and precise in your word choices. Avoid extraneous phrases that do not tell the reader anything about the data itself.

The bar chart ~~illustrates~~ plots / depicts / s

The bar chart ~~illustrates~~ plots / depicts / shows / compares the distribution of the world's population (That is not a good paraphrase. It implies the total world population is in only these four countries.) in four countries (India, China, USA and Japan) from 1950 to 2002, (wrong value and wrong expression. "From 1950 to 2000 means a line chart showing all the years ) and estimations in 2050.

Model paragraph:

The bar chart compares the proportions of the world's population residing in each of four countries (India, China, USA and Japan) at two points of time in the past (1950 and 2000) and one forecast for the future (2050).

~~By looking at the four countries,~~ (We are not looking at countries. We are looking at a plot. These words are not informative. They tell the reader nothing about the data.) there were (subject-verb mismatch) a clear downward pattern in China, USA and Japan. China had the largest population in the world, (wrong punctuation) however, it is expected to be replaced by India in future while Japan remain (subject-verb mismatch) the lowest over the given years.

Model "overall" paragraph

Three of the four countries, the exception being India, show a declining share of the global population. China has the largest percentage value at all these points of time except for the 2050 projection, where India takes over as being the most populous of the four. Japan has the lowest values; about one-fifth of highest-ranked China or India in each of the years depicted.

With regards to the China accounted for (ungrammatical. A full clause cannot be used as the object of a preposition.) nearly a quarter of the global population in 1950, then declined slightly to exactly one fifth over the five decades. Second in terms of population, meanwhile, was India with the inverse relationship with China. (That is not a valid mathematical expression) A gradual grow (Grow is a verb. It is not a noun.) can be seen between 1950 and 2002, at 15% and around 17% respectively. A similar pattern is predicted for both countries, China will drop 5% considerably standing at 15% and India will overtake China with a continuous (You can only use "continuous" on a line graph, where the values consistently get larger or smaller.) rise to nearly a fifth in the future.

Both USA and Japan four countries (India, China, USA and Japan) accounted for ~~shared~~ an insignificant minority of the world population over the given years, with triple less (That is not a valid mathematical expression) than the other two countries. America shared roughly 6% of the total world population in the first 50 years, and remain steady for the next decades. (A decade is 10 years. You don't have 10-year data on the chart.) Likewise, there were also a slight fell (Fell is a past-tense verb. It is not a noun.)of Japan’s population with less than 5% and is predicted to have a constant (You can only use these types of adverbs on a line graph, where the values consistently stay the same.) decrease reaching approximately 2% in 2050.

Aqua book 7777 · Answer

The bar chart depicts prediction of total world population for 2050 based on the information surveyed from 4 countries in 1950 and 2002 in percentage.

In general, highest portion was claimed by China, which followed by India, USA and lowest by Japan in year 1950.

At glance, the data gathered in 1950 and 2002 shows approximately slide down by 2% in China, USA and Japan. Whereas, India experience the same alteration rise percentage estimation over the same period.

In addition, India will progress further upward direction from 15% to 18% approximately with linear rate of change with respect to previous by 2015. Unlike this China and Japan will roughly fall its population from 23% to 15% and 4.5% to 2% respectively. Although USA will remain unchanged from the recent recorded data.

In contrast, the highest population accounted in 1950 will be declined to 15% which is equal to the second placed record in 2050 projection. On the other hand, India will anticipated to increase by 3% approximately making 18% of world population majority and Japan will be at 2% below its previous records.

Ielts writing task 1 (Predictions) - Ask for review

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