Ielts writing task 1 (please help me to correct this essay)

Question

The chart given illustrates the average number of cars used by each 1000 citizens in 5 countries and Europe in 2005, 2009 and 2015.

Overall, among 5 countries, cars were driven the most in Germany, while the opposite was true for Greece. Also, in all countries, there was no considerable change over the period shown.

Obviously, starting at the lowest level, (300 cars) in 2005, the figure for Greece experienced a slight growth to 400, before declining to the previous data . Also, there was the clear stability in the number of car in France, at 700 in all three years. O
n the other hand, during the period, cars used by UK residents went down considerably, from 700 to under 600.

Focusing on the remaining patterns, in 2005, 900 cars were used by 1000 people, which was followed by an increased to 1000 in 2015, standing at the highest position. The similar trend was also witnessed in the figure for Italy and Europe average, beginning with 500 and 700, fishing at 550 and 800 respectively.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays. IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

The (What kind of chart?) chart ~~given~~ illustrates (Wrong word. Illustrate means make a picture. It is good for process maps and diagrams. It is not good for plots.) the ~~average~~ number of cars used by each 1000 citizens (wrong phrase) in 5 countries (What are these countries?) and Europe in 2005, 2009 and 2015.

Suggestion:

The bar chart compares the prevalence of car ownership in five European countries as well as the overall average in Europe. Specifically, it gives the number of cars per 1000 population (ownership rate) in the UK, France, Germany, Greece, and Italy for three different years, 2005, 2009 and 2015.

Note that I define the term I plan to use in the body paragraphs in the first paragraph. "Rate" is an appropriate word because the value calculated is a ratio (number of cars divided by the population). This avoids repetition. A value of 1000 means that, on average, every person in the country owns a car. A value of 500 means that there is one car for every two people in the country.

Overall, among 5 countries, (You have not told the reader the names of these countries) cars were driven the most (wrong expression) in Germany, while the opposite was true for Greece. Also, in all countries, there was no considerable change over the period shown.

Overall, the car ownership rate was less than 1 per person, although Germany came fairly close to that value in 2015. Greece had the lowest rates, less than 4 cars for every 10 people. There were only minor changes (less than 100, or 10%) over the period.

Obviously, starting at the lowest level, (300 ~~cars~~) in 2005, the figure (wrong word) for Greece experienced (Wrong word. Only living creatures can have experiences.) a slight growth to 400, before declining to the ~~previous data~~ . 2005 value. Also, there was the clear stability in the number of car in France, at 700 in all three years. On the other hand, during the period, cars used by UK residents (wrong expression) went down considerably, (Contradiction. You wrote that there were no considerable changes.) from 700 to under 600.

~~Focusing on the remaining patterns~~, in 2005, 900 cars were used by 1000 people, (wrong expression) which was followed by an increased (wrong form) to 1000 in 2015, ~~standing at~~ the highest value. ~~position~~. The similar trend was also witnessed in the figure for Italy and Europe average, beginning with 500 and 700, fishing at 550 and 800 respectively. (wrong words - trend, witness, figure, fish - please read my advice on frequently misused words in Task 1)

Ielts writing task 1 (please help me to correct this essay)

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