Ielts Writing Task 1 Please help me review and mark

Question

The graphs compares the proportion of people in Britain, who buy Pop Music, Rock Music, and Classical Music regarding gender and age.

Overall, the percentage of men spending money purchasing music is higher than that of women in all types of music. Both sexes appear to be most interested in Pop whereas Classical one is the least favorable choice. Furthermore, while the portion of consumers buying Pop and Classical Music by age shares remarkable resemblance, it is different in Classical section.

In terms of Pop, people between the age of 16 and 34 account for an overwhelming proportion of 69%, followed by 35 to 44 (29%) and over the age of 45 (8%). Similarly, the majority of people buying Rock music (61%) are from 16 to 24 years old while those above 45 years old only take up 9 % in total.

On the contrary, the quantity of consumers investing in Classical Music follows a distinct trend. People between the age of 25 and 34 and over 45 spend a huge amount of money on albums with the portion of 21 % and 16 % , respectively. By contrast, 16 to 24 and over 45 constitute merely 4%.

198 words

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

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Ngocanh29319998 · Answer

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The ~~graphs~~ three bar charts compare the proportion of people in Britain, who buy Pop Music, Rock Music, and Classical Music regarding gender and age. (incorrect expression)

The three bar charts, one for pop music, one for rock music, and one for classical music, compare the percentage of people in the UK that purchase albums of that genre. They are divided into four age groups, 16-24, 25-34, 35-44 and over 45. The proportions of men and women purchasers are also shown.

Overall, the percentage of men who purchase ~~spending money purchasing~~ music is higher than that of women for in all types of music. ~~Both sexes appear to be most interested in Pop whereas~~ (They also are interested in Rock, aren't they?) Of the three genres, classical ~~one~~ is the least popular ~~favorable~~ ~~choice~~. Furthermore, while the ~~portion of consumers~~ pattern of buying Pop and Classical (I think you meant "Rock.") Music by age shares a remarkable resemblance, it is different for in Classical ~~section~~.

In terms of Pop music, people between the age of 16 and 34 account for an overwhelming proportion of 69%, (I do not know where you got that number. There is no age group 16-34 on the graph.. ) followed by 35 to 44 (29%) and over the age of 45 (8%). Similarly, the majority of people buying Rock music (61%) (wrong number) are from 16 to 24 years old while those above 45 years old only take up 9 % in total. (Incorrect. There is no "total.")

On the contrary, the quantity (Wrong word. It is percentage, proportion or share.) of consumers investing (Wrong word. Albums are not investments. People invest in gold and diamonds because they can sell them later for a profit. ) in Classical Music follows a distinct trend. People between the age of 25 and 34 and over 45 spend a huge amount of money (I do not understand. There are no monetary values anywhere on this chart. How do you know what they spent?) on albums with the portion of 21 % and 16 % , respectively. By contrast, 16 to 24 and over 45 constitute merely 4%. (I do not understand. You wrote that over 45 spent a lot... now you say it is only 4%. You are contradicting yourself.)

It is clear that you did not understand this task. You cannot add the percentages in the different age groups together because the amount that represents 100% for each group is number of people in that age group in the entire British population. And that is different for each age group.

Each bar chart does not represent the total sales of each genre of music, divided by age group. That would be a task with different instructions, and the graphic would likely be pie charts, not bar graphs.
For example, I fit the first three age groups to this example pie chart. You see that there is not 8% left over for the 45+ age group.

In pie charts, you can add up the percentages in the categories because the "whole - or 100%" is the same for all the categories.

Ielts Writing Task 1 Please help me review and mark

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