Ielts Writing Task 1 Please help me review

Question

The given chart illustrates changes in the spending on various modes of amusement in three regions between 1995 and 2000.

In general, the expenditure on entertainment was the highest in the United States in both years, soaring from 184 to 257 billion while Asia and Europe witnessed a more steady rise by 43 billion and 44 billion, respectively.

A quite striking similarity was that television and publishing are the most popular leisure activities which account for over 70 percentage of the total money , and even over 90 % in the case of the United State.

Similarly, music saw a twofold increase, despite being modest, in the USA and Asia though this trend was reversed in Europe with the number falling from 25 billion to 20 million.

By contrast, cinema is the least favorable choice since the expenses on it was merely 5 to 10 billion in all areas.

Teechr · Accepted Answer

Can you show us the chart please?

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Ngocanh29319998 · Answer

AlpheccaStars · Answer

First, you wrote less than 150 words, so you lose points for "task completion."

Next, your vocabulary needs to be sharpened. It is important to be precise and objective in Task 1. It is an exercise in writing in a math/science context, so you must limit your vocabulary to that context. In contrast, Task 2 is a persuasive essay where a large range of expression will get you high scores..

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays.

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

The ~~given~~ chart (That is not a precise term. Exactly what kind of chart is this?) illustrates (wrong verb. This verb is not good for plots. Use it for flow charts and drawings.) changes in the spending on various modes of amusement in three regions between 1995 and 2000. (Incomplete. What are the three regions? What are the units of measure?)

In general, the expenditure on entertainment was the highest in the United States in both years, soaring (wrong word. This is not an objective, mathematical term..) from 184 to 257 billion while Asia and Europe witnessed (wrong verb. Avoid anthropomorphic verbs in Task 1. They are not for math or science contexts. ) a more steady rise by 43 billion and 44 billion, respectively.

A quite striking similarity was that television and publishing are the most popular leisure activities (Television is not an activity. Watching TV is an activity. Publishing is a business activity. It makes money for the publishers.) which account for over 70 percent ~~percentag~~e ( wrong word ) of the total ~~money~~ outlay, ~~and even~~ over 90 % in the case of the United State.

Similarly, music saw (wrong verb. Music is incapable of seeing anything. Avoid anthropomorphic verbs in Task 1. They are not for math or science contexts. ) a twofold increase, despite being modest, in the USA and Asia though ~~this trend was reversed~~ it was the opposite in Europe with the amount ~~number~~ falling from 25 billion to 20 million.

By contrast, cinema is the least favorable choice since the expenses (wrong word) on it was merely 5 to 10 billion (Ten billion dollars seems like a lot of money...) in all areas.

Ielts Writing Task 1 Please help me review

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