IELTS Writing Task 1. Please evaluate this essay

Question

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.The charts shows air pollution levels by different causes among four countries in 2021.Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.You should write at least 150 words.I can not attach the image here so I put the link of it here: https://ieltsonlinetests.com/vi/wot/result/writing-practice-test-2-303557 The vertical bar chart gives data about air pollution caused by three different reasons, namely electricity generation, transport and industry, among four countries in the year 2021.Overall, while China has been through the most serious air polluted problem, the opposite trend happens in Australia. In addition, the main cause of air pollution varies among four country.The primary reason leading to air pollution in China is from industry, which releases over 80 PPM of pollutants. The figures for two remaing categories are also high, with 70 PPM from transport and roughly 60 PPM from electricity generation. Similar distribution of air pollution can be seen when looking at the figures for Japan. In this country, Industry accounts for nearly 45 PPM, becoming the leading cause, while transport and industry generate 30 PPM and over 25 PPM respectively.The most significant gap between the causes of air pollution can be seen in America, where transport surpasses two other causes, with approximately 60 PPM, two times higher than the figure for electricity generation and industry. Australia has marginal firgures, with close to 20 PPM in all categories.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

nguyenngocanhthuI can not attach the image here so I put the link of it here:

I had no problem attaching the image.

I downloaded it from the site you referenced, and then attached it.

What kind of problems are you experiencing? You have to click on "Add to post."

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Also, you need to use practice tests that are in good English. These instructions have a misspelling and a grammatical error, contain physically untenable measurements and use unnatural vocabulary words.

The author should not be writing IELTS essay tasks!

Here are the task instructions corrected so that they have physically possible measurements in are written in good native English.

The ~~charts~~ chart shows current air pollutant levels from different sources in various countries.

~~Summaries~~ Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

You should write at least 150 words.

The ~~vertical~~ bar chart (Bar charts are, by default, vertical. You do not need this word.) gives data about air pollution (Vague and imprecise. What data values are on the plot? Give the name of the data and the units of measure.) caused by three different sectors ~~reasons~~, (wrong word.. A reason would be "because carbon capture devices and particulate removers were not installed.) namely electricity generation, transport and industry, in ~~among~~ four countries in the year 2021. (How is that possible? The year is not over yet. )

Overall, while China (You did not name the countries in the first paragraph, so the reader gets confused.) has been through the most serious air polluted problem, (That does not make any sense.) the opposite trend (Wrong word. A trend is some value that consistently decreases or increases over time. There is no time variable on this plot, so "trend" is incorrect.) happens in Australia. In addition, the main cause (wrong word) of air pollution varies among four country. (You cannot use a number greater than 1 with a singular noun.)

The primary reason leading to air pollution in China is from industry, which releases over 80 PPM of pollutants. The figures (wrong word) for two remaing categories are also high, with 70 PPM (You did not tell the reader the units of measure in the first paragraph.) from transport and roughly 60 PPM from electricity generation. Similar ~~distributio~~n levels of air pollution can be seen when looking at the figures for Japan. In this country, Industry accounts for nearly 45 PPM, becoming the leading cause, while transport and industry generate 30 PPM and over 25 PPM respectively.

The most significant gap between the causes of air pollution can be seen in America, where transport surpasses two other causes, with approximately 60 PPM, two times higher than the figure for electricity generation and industry. Australia has marginal firgures, with close to 20 PPM in all categories.

Here is a sample essay, written for the corrected instructions. (`180 words)

Instructions:

The chart below shows current air pollutant levels from different sources in various countries.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
You should write at least 150 words.

Paragraph 1: Describe the parameters of the figure:

The bar chart compares the recently measured amounts of air pollutants in parts per million emitted from three sectors, (electricity generation, transport and industry) in four countries, China, America, Japan and Australia.

Paragraph 2: Write about 2 or 3 main features:

The highest levels of air pollution are measured in China, regardless of the source. There are clear main sources of pollution in two of the other countries, namely Transport in America and Industry in Japan. Australia in general has the lowest pollution of all four countries and about equal emissions from each of the three sectors.

Paragraph 3: Write about some details. Focus on comparisons rather than just reporting the numbers.

In detail, China has twice as much pollutants from electricity generation than second-place America, 60 versus 30 PPM. Australia is third, and Japan lowest with 19 and 15 PPM respectively. Regarding Transport, China again has the greatest value, at 70 PPM, more than three and a half times more than Australia, which has the lowest level, about 18 PPM. For Industry, China has the most pollution, 80 PPM, nearly double that of second-place Japan where it is about 42 PPM.

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