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Nguyen Danh Posted 13 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

[ IELTS writing task 1 ] please correct !

Question : http://i.upanh.com/rnaivi

Answer :

The bar chat shows the gender distribution of teachers in six different types of educational setting in the UK in 2010.

The higher level of educational circumstances, the larger proportion of male teachers & the smaller proportion of female teachers is . In pre-school and primary school, a large percentage is especially made up by female teachers, 96% and 92% respectively. But in secondary school, there are not a big difference between the percentage of female and male teachers, 54 % & 46% respectively. After high school, the gender distribution of teachers in educational settings reverses the trend. In college and private training, for example, the percentage of male teachers is 50% & 54 % in order. In particular, a large proportion is made up by male teachers in university, that is 65 %.

Overall, the chart shows that at lower educational settings, such as pre-school and primary school, continue to be female – dominated ; however, male teachers have a significant present after high school, as university and private training.

I really appreciate all your comments and suggestions.
  

Top answer

The bar chart shows the gender distribution of teachers in six different types of educational settings in the UK in 2010. The higher the educational level, the larger the proportion of male teachers and the smaller the proportion of female teachers there are. In pre-school and primary school, a large percentage is made up of female teachers, 96% and 92% respectively.

  • The bar chart shows the gender distribution of teachers in six different types of educational settings in the UK in 2010.
  • The higher the educational level, the larger the proportion of male teachers and the smaller the proportion of female teachers there are.
  • In pre-school and primary school, a large percentage is made up of female teachers, 96% and 92% respectively.
  • But in secondary school, there is not a big difference between the percentage of female and male teachers, 54% and 46% respectively.
  • After high school, the gender distribution of teachers in educational settings reverses the trend.
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3 Answers
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The bar chart shows the gender distribution of teachers in six different types of educational settings in the UK in 2010.

The higher the educational level, the larger the proportion of male teachers and the smaller the proportion of female teachers there are. In pre-school and primary school, a large percentage is made up of female teachers, 96% and 92% respectively. But in secondary scho
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Thank you.In addition, could you tell me about fluency and logic of above essay ?
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You essay was easy to understand. I only had to make minor changes.

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