Ielts Writing Task 1- Pie Chart

Question

Please help me correct my essay. Thank you in advance.Topic: The pie charts below give data on the spending and consumption of resources by countries of the world and how the population is distributed. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.The three pie charts give information about the average spending on daily necessities, the demographic and the level of resources exploitation worldwide.In overall, money allocated for food and other stuff is highest compared to transport and housing. Furthermore, although Asia has the highest population figure, yet USA and Europe are reported to outnumber other continents in terms of resources consumption.In the first pie chart, ordinary folks are likely to spend more money on Others and Food Category, with 40% and 24% expenditure recorded respectively. While Transport and Housing observe less than 20% of spending worldwide.As can be seen from the second and the third pie chart, Africa has the lowest figure for population density (10%), only one-sixth compared to Asia, which is the most crowded continent with more than a half (57%) of people residing in. Meanwhile, although accounting merely 14% each, Europe and America lead the world in terms of resources consumption, with 60% of materials used for both continents.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays:

The three pie charts give information about the average spending on daily necessities, the demographic and the level of resources exploitation worldwide.

That sentence makes no sense at all. You need to be much clearer. What is the label on each pie chart? What categories are on each chart? How many are there and what are the names? Do not make up information that is not explicitly shown.

e.g.

The figure contains three pie charts concerning information about the global economy. The first chart depicts global spending by category. Four categories are named: Food, Clothing, Housing and Transport. The second chart depicts the distribution of the world population by continent. Four continents are named: Asia, America, Europe and Africa. And the third chart gives the proportions of resource consumption in the USA and Europe compared to the rest of the world.

In overall, money allocated for food and other stuff ("Stuff" is a very informal word. There is no category labelled "stuff" on the chart. It is not good for a maths professor.) is highest compared to transport and housing. Furthermore, although Asia has the highest population ~~figure~~, (wrong word) yet USA and Europe ~~are reported~~ to outnumber other continents (Wrong usage. Outnumber means to have a higher count. e.g. Asians outnumber Africans. = There are more people who are Asian than those who are African. Buses outnumber trains in my city. = There are more buses than there are trains in my city. Resources are non-count, so you cannot use "outnumber." ) in terms of resources consumption.

In the first pie chart, ordinary folks (There is nothing on these chart that indicates the social or economic class.) ~~are likely to~~ spend more money on Others (It shows actual spending not the likelihood or probability of spending.) and Food ~~Category~~, with 40% and 24% expenditure recorded respectively. While Transport and Housing observe (Wrong word. Transport or Housing cannot see anything..These are categories. Categories do not see..) less than 20% of spending worldwide.

As can be seen from the second and the third pie chart, Africa has the lowest figure (Wrong word. - percentage / proportion) for population density (Wrong word. The chart does not plot population density.) (10%), only one-sixth compared to Asia, which is the most crowded continent with more than a half (57%) of people residing in. Meanwhile, although ~~accounting merely~~ 14% each, Europe and America lead the world in terms of resources consumption, ~~with~~ 60% of the total. ~~of materials used for both continents~~

Ielts Writing Task 1- Pie Chart

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