IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - PIE CHART

Question

Please evaluate my WRITING and give a band score

The four pie charts illustrate how many units of electricity were produced by five fuel sources in Australia and France in the years 1980 and 2000.
Overall, at the beginning of the period, coal and hydropower were the most significant electric sector and at the end of the period, while the growth pattern carried on coal, we can see modest growth of Hydro Power in Australia. In comparison, at the previous, Nuclear Power ranked second for the sources created less electricity but until 2000, it became the largest electric segment in France.
Coal sector accounted for half part of Australia's electricity and experienced a more than twofold increase to 130 units in 2000. Electricity made from Hydropower in Australia were 20 units in 1980 and experienced a slight growth of 16 units in 2000. Nuclear Power was not used in Australia, and there was a disparity in term of France's electricity. In 1980, electricity outputted from Nuclear Power in France were 15 units and sharply made up a three-quarter part of France's electricity in 2000.
Oil and Natural Gas, which comprised above a quarter of Australia's electricity, fell to the same unit after two decades (2 units). Natural Gas and Hydropower sector in France were in a similar fashion. In contrast, electricity production from Coal remained constant in both years at 25 units in France.
It can be seen that Australia used more coal and hydropower with other sources reducing and France became more reliant on Nuclear Power.

Car banana 513 · Accepted Answer

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The four pie charts give a breakdown of the number of ~~illustrate how many~~ units of electricity that were produced by five fuel sources in Australia and France in the years 1980 and 2000.

Less confusing and more complete:

The four pie charts (Australia, 1980 and 2000; France, 1980 and 2000) give a breakdown of the number of units of electricity that were produced by five fuel sources. The fuels are Coal, Oil, Natural Gas, Water (Hydro Power), and Nuclear Energy (Nuclear Power).

Paragraph #2 - you missed a very significant point.

These two countries were very similar in the amount of electricity they produced. In 1980, France produced 10% less than Australia, 90 units versus 100 units. By 2000, Australia had increased its production by 70%, but France surpassed it, doubling its 1980 production to 180 units.

Overall, at the beginning of the period, (There is no time period. There are two dates.) coal and hydropower were the most significant electric sector and at the end of the period, while the growth pattern carried on coal, we can see modest growth of Hydro Power in Australia. In comparison, at the previous, Nuclear Power ranked second for the sources created less electricity but until 2000, it became the largest electric segment in France.

Your second paragraph is totally confusing to the reader. You must write very clear statements.

You essay is not logically structured into paragraphs. You mix up the years and the countries, and don't even use power source as a paragraph division. This lack of structure will get you a very low score on "Coherence and Cohesion".

The best structure is to write about Australia in Paragraph #3 and France in paragraph #4. For example, here is a model for paragraph #3.

In Australia in 1980, coal was the most important resource at about 50% and hydro power second, at 20%. By 2000, these two sources completely dominated, with coal at 75% and hydro power at about 20%. Because the total production was larger, the production units had increased from 20 to 36 for hydro power and nearly tripled for coal, from 50 to 130. Natural Gas and Oil were used for electric power, but had significant decreases on both an absolute and percentage basis, from 10 and 20 units, respectively, in 1980 to 2 units each in 2000. There were no nuclear power plants built in Australia.

Coal sector accounted for half part of Australia's electricity and experienced a more than twofold increase to 130 units in 2000. Electricity made from Hydropower in Australia were 20 units in 1980 and experienced a slight growth of 16 units in 2000. Nuclear Power was not used in Australia, and there was a disparity in term of France's electricity. In 1980, electricity outputted from Nuclear Power in France were 15 units and sharply made up a three-quarter part of France's electricity in 2000.
Oil and Natural Gas, which comprised above a quarter of Australia's electricity, fell to the same unit after two decades (2 units). Natural Gas and Hydropower sector in France were in a similar fashion. In contrast, electricity production from Coal remained constant in both years at 25 units in France.
It can be seen that Australia used more coal and hydropower with other sources reducing and France became more reliant on Nuclear Power.

IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - PIE CHART

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