IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - PIE CHART

Question

The charts show how tourism to two countries changed over a 50-year period.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.The four pie charts make a comparison of the changes in the numbers of Asian, USA, European, and British tourists to Australia and Germany between 1960 and 2010. Overall, the proportion of Asian tourists in Australia experienced a significant increase while the proportion in the number of tourists to from four regions to Germany correlated positively from 1960 to 2010.Regarding the percentages of tourism from Asia, started at only a tenth in both two countries in 1960, these figures witnessed an increase to 63 and 25 percent in Australia and Germany respectively. In contrast, the number of European tourists in Australia, which accounted for 53 percent in 1960, decreased significantly to a tenth while these figures in Germany dropped from 45 percent to two-fifths throughout the period.By contrast, the numbers of British tourists in Australia and Germany accounted for 25 percent and 20 percent respectively in 1960, they decreased to a-fifth in Australia and only 6 percent in Germany during the period. The figures for the USA to Australia dropped slightly from 12 percent to 7 percent while these data in Germany witnessed an increase from 25 percent to 29 percent from 1960 to 2010.

KhangEriol · Accepted Answer

Is there anyone helps me to correct it?

Poster · Answer

I did look at this and found the heading " how tourism to two countries changed over a 50-year period" seemed vague; one would have to make the assumption that it was about numbers of visitor arrivals, excluding business and family-related travel, and that the countries in the pie charts represent the country of origin, or passport of the visitors. Overall, it does not seem like a genuine IELTS question, and that would make it more difficult to comment on. There are better IELTS look-alike questions available on various sites online, such as ielts-simon.com.

Poster · Answer

The four pie charts make a comparison of the changes in the numbers [No they do not. They only provide a percentage breakdown, and oddly there is no 'other' category: there is no way of knowing whether total numbers have grown or shrunk, so some important information is missing.] of Asian, USA, European, and British tourists to Australia and Germany between 1960 and 2010. [Better to make the overview a separate paragraph so it is clear to the examiner.] Overall, the proportion of Asian tourists in Australia experienced [In academic reporting anthropomorphic verbs are best avoided: they are fine in Task 2. ] a significant increase while the proportion in the number of tourists to from four regions to Germany correlated positively from 1960 to 2010. [while for Germany the proportions remained much the same.]

Regarding the percentages of tourism [tourists] from Asia, started [What started? Where is the subject of the verb? This sentence becomes incoherent here. ] at only a tenth in both two countries in 1960, ~~these figures~~ and [be consistent in the sentence pattern, keeping the same subject and using ellipsis] witnessed [anthropomorphic] an increase to 63 and 25 percent in Australia and Germany respectively. [Try doing some simple math: that would be more than a sixfold increase for Australia, and well over double for Germany] In contrast, the number of European tourists in [visiting] Australia, which accounted for 53 percent in 1960, decreased significantly to a tenth while these figures in Germany [while in Germany they] dropped from 45 percent to two-fifths throughout the period [No, we only have snapshots of just two years, and have no idea what the situation was in between].

By contrast, the numbers [number] of British tourists in [visiting] Australia and Germany accounted for 25 percent and 20 percent respectively in 1960 [It is often better to put the date at the head of the sentence in Task 1.], they decreased to a-fifth [one fifth] in Australia and only 6 percent in Germany during the period [by 2010]. The figures for the USA [The States did not visit, it was people. ] to Australia dropped slightly from 12 percent to 7 percent while these data in Germany [the corresponding data for Germany] witnessed [anthro-] an increase from 25 percent to 29 percent from 1960 to 2010.[between 1960 and 2010; move to start of clause after 'while']

Again, it is hard to make any meaningful comment on the pie-charts because we lack the data on overall numbers. For instance the percentage of European tourists to Australia shrank to less than a fifth of the original. We have no way of knowing whether this represents a drop in numbers, or a massive increase in the number of Asian tourists.

IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - PIE CHART

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions