[IELTS writing task 1 - line graph] Please review my essay

Question

Hi AlpheccaStars,I posted my IELTS writing task 1 essay in the wrong way so now I re-post it. Please help me to review it. Thank you very much! The following is my essay:-------------------The line graph highlights data about the amounts of petroleum, coal and natural gas produced in a country in Europe between 1981 and 2000.Overall, the amount of petroleum fluctuated, while those of coal and natural gas decreased and increased respectively. It is also noticed that natural gas was produced modest but saw a rapid rise at the end of the period.In 1981, the amount of petroleum was highest with 100 million tonnes, compared to those of coal and natural gas with 80 million tonnes and 40 million tonnes respectively. Over the following 14 years, the amount of natural gas had no variation, whereas that of coal remained constant at 40 million tonnes for four years, but later decreased to 60 million in 1995. Meanwhile, production level of petroleum rose rapidly to 130 million and leveled off at that amount in the following 5 years before dropping dramatically to 100 million in 1995.From 1995 to 2000, the amount of petroleum increased and reached a peak of at 130 million in 1997 and then fell to 120 million in 2000. At the same time, that of coal decreases by 15 million during this period. However, there was a rapid increase in the production of natural gas from 40 million to 85 million.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Please read my Task 1 advice: IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

The line graph highlights (wrong word) data about (Vague, imprecise. What is plotted on the graph?) the amounts of petroleum, coal and natural gas produced in a country in Europe between 1981 and 2000.

Model:

The line graph plots the tonnage of three different fuels, petroleum, coal and natural gas, produced in a European country from 1981 to 2000.

Overall, the ~~amount of~~ petroleum production varied by 30% ~~fluctuated~~, while those of coal and natural gas decreased and increased respectively. ~~It is also noticed that~~ Natural gas volumes were constant until 1995, and then rose steeply in the last five years. ~~was produced modest~~ (wrong word) ~~but saw~~ (wrong word) ~~a rapid rise at the end of the period.~~

Overall, petroleum had the highest levels of production over the entire period, varying between 100 and 130 million tonnes. At the beginning of the period, coal production was second, 80 million tonnes, followed by natural gas with half that amount, at 40 million tonnes. The order of these two fuels had reversed by the end of the period, as coal production fell and natural gas rose, crossing at 50 million tonnes around 1997.

In 1981, the amount of petroleum was highest with 100 million tonnes, compared to those of coal and natural gas with 80 million tonnes and 40 million tonnes respectively. Over the following 14 years, the amount of natural gas had no change. ~~variation~~, ~~whereas that of~~ Coal production remained constant at 40 (wrong word) million tonnes for four years, but later decreased to 60 million in 1995. Meanwhile, the production level of petroleum rose rapidly to 130 million and leveled off at that amount in the following 5 years before dropping dramatically to 100 million in 1995. (A new paragraph makes no sense hre. You continue to write about petroleum. Your paragraphing is not logical. You can fix the logic problem with an introduction "The graph can be divided into two time periods, 1981-1995 and 1995 to 2000. In the first perion...." The next paragraph "Between 1995 and 2000..." But such a division is fairly weak. It seems more clear to write one paragraph about petroleum and another about coal and natural gas. These two are in market competition and invite comparisons.)

From 1995 to 2000, the amount of petroleum increased and reached a peak (That is the same value as in 1990. Why wasn't that earlier a "peak"?) of at 130 million in 1997 and then fell to 120 million in 2000. At the same time, (What time? "At" means one time, not a period.) ~~that of~~ coal production decreases (wrong form) by 15 million during this period. However, there was a rapid increase in the production of natural gas from 40 million to 85 million.

[IELTS writing task 1 - line graph] Please review my essay

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