IELTS WRITING TASK 1 ( Line Graph). I don't have anyone to help me correct the essay. Could someone kindly check it, please? If it's possible, may you give me a mark? Thank you so much!

Question

Topic: The graph below shows the percentage of Australian exports to 4 countries from 1990-2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.The line graph below illustrates the proportion of Australian goods to 4 countries for sales (Japan, the US, China, and India) between 1990 and 2012.It is clear that the proportion of Australian products to China and India for sales increased, while the figures for Japan and the US had the opposite trend. In addition, China was the country that had the most significant imports from Australia over the period.In 1990, there were roughly 3% of exports from Australia to China, after which this figure went up gradually to 5 percent in 2000. At the same time, the number of exports to Japan was about 9 times higher than those to China. The proportion of those to China grew dramatically and then reached a peak of nearly 30%. However, Japan saw a noticeable decrease in the figures of those at around 17% during the 21 years left.There was a fluctuation in the percentage of exports to the US approximately 12% and 7% over the 22-year period. Standing at 0%, India did not experience any growth during the 10 years since 1990. The imports of India from Australia rose by around 7%, followed by a sharp fall to 5% in 2012.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

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AlpheccaStars · Answer

Thái Nguy?nTopic: The graph below shows the percentage of Australian exports to 4 countries from 1990-2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The task does not match the figure! That is very bad. Did you copy the instructions correctly?

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The line graph ~~below~~ (It is unnecessary to describe where it is.) illustrates (wrong verb. Read my advice. I list the verbs to use in task 1.) the proportion of Australian goods (not a good expression) that were exported to 4 (Do not use digits for categories. Use words. Use digits for data values only.) four countries ~~for sales~~ (Wrong expression.) (Japan, the US, China, and India) between 1990 and 2012.

~~It is clear that~~ (Do not use these dummy-it clauses. They only serve to add 4 to the word count. Otherwise, there is no added value. It only is a distraction (bad) for the reader. Delete.) the proportion of Australian exports ~~products~~ to China and India ~~for sales~~ increased, while the figures (wrong word. Read my advice. ) for Japan and the US had the opposite trend. In addition, China was the country that had the most significant ~~imports~~ (wrong word. The graph shows exports, not imports.) from Australia over the period.

(That is incorrect reporting. China was in third place for the first twelve years. The average for Japan was just over 19% for the 22-year period and it was just over 12% for Japan. So Japan had the highest average value, not China.)

In 1990, there were roughly 3% of exports (wrong phrase) from Australia to China, after which this figure (wrong word. Read my advice. ) went up gradually to 5 percent in 2000. At the same time, the number of exports (Wrong expression. The number of exports would be a count of the number of ships with exports, or the number of items or packages on all the ships and planes. That is not what is on this graph.) to Japan was about 9 times higher than those to China. The proportion of exports ~~those~~ to China grew dramatically and then reached a peak (wrong word. Read my advice. There is only one peak on this entire graph. That is for India in 2010. There is no peak on the curve for China.) of nearly 30%. However, Japan saw (wrong word. Read my advice. ) a noticeable decrease in the figures (wrong word. Read my advice. ) ~~of those~~ at around 17% during the 21 years left. (That makes no sense at all.)

There was a ~~fluctuation~~ (wrong word. Read my advice. There is no pattern of fluctuation on this graph. ) narrow range of values in the percentage of exports to the US, approximately 12% and 7%, over the 22-year period. Standing at 0%, (wrong value) India did not experience (wrong word. Read my advice. Do not use human-activity verbs - see, experience, witness - for non-human things. Numbers, time periods, countries and categories are not human actors. ) any growth during the 10 years since 1990. The imports (wrong word. There are no imports on this graph.) of India from Australia rose by around 7%, followed by a sharp fall to 5% in 2012.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Here is a sample essay for you to study.

The graph compares the percentages of all Australian exports that were destined to Japan, India, China, and the USA over the twenty-two year period, 1990-2012.

Overall, the share of exports that these countries received increased over the period, and that was primarily due to the large jump in exports to China after 2005. Besides China, India had a larger percentage at the end compared to the beginning. The other two countries had lower values.

In 1990, these countries received just over 40% of Australia's exports, and that was dominated by Japan, with 26% or 60% of the total. In second place was the US, with 11%. The amounts to China and India together amounted to less than 5%. Between 1900 and 2000, exports to Japan declined by 8% to 18%, but that decline was partially offset by a small increase, 3%, to China. The USA and India remained about the same, at 11% and 2%, respectively. Between 2000 and 2012, China dominated, showing an exponential increase to nearly 28%. Japan fell to second place at about 17%, and India and the US had about 5% each. The total for 2012 was 55%, 15% more than in 1990..

AlpheccaStars · Answer

I tried to re-write your paragraphs as closely as possible to what you wrote. It is not easy to follow your logic. It is not very cohesive.

In 1990, ~~there were~~ roughly 3% of all exports from Australia went to China, after which it (Use pronouns to avoid repeating) ~~this figure~~ went up gradually to 5 percent in 2000. ~~At the same time~~, In the first year, the percentage ~~number of exports~~ destined for to Japan was about 9 times higher than for ~~those to~~ China. ~~The~~ After 2000, exports ~~proportion of those~~ to China grew dramatically and ~~then~~ reached ~~a peak of~~ nearly 30%. However, there was ~~Japan saw~~ a noticeable decrease for Japan, falling from 26% to 17% over the period. ~~in the figures of those at around 17% during the 21 years left.~~

~~There was a fluctuation in~~ The percentage of exports to the US ranged between approximately 7 and 12% ~~approximately 12% and 7%~~ over the 22-year period. ~~Standing at 0%,~~ Starting in fourth position, exports to India were flat for the first decade, but then peaked at ~~did not experience any growth during the 10 years since 1990. The imports of India from Australia rose by~~ around 7% in 2010, followed by a ~~sharp~~ fall to 5% in 2012.

IELTS WRITING TASK 1 ( Line Graph). I don't have anyone to help me correct the essay. Could someone kindly check it, please? If it's possible, may you give me a mark? Thank you so much!

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