IELTS Writing Task 1 Inputs Needed (2)

Question

The 2 tables compare about sales of Fairtrade branded coffee and bananas among 5 nations in Europe in 1999 and 2004, measured in total sale values.

Overall, the figures of sale values of 2 products tended to increase. However, the increases are different among 5 countries, and there is a slightly decrease in bananas sale values in Sweden and Denmark.

The sale values of labelled coffee in UK had a dramatic fluctuation. In 1999, just 1.5 millions of euros were gotten by selling coffee and this rose sharply, reaching the highest number at 20 millions of euros in 2004 among 5 countries. Switzerland hold the 2^nd position of earning from selling coffee. In 2004, it got 6 millions of euro, it was twice as much as its number in 1999, which was 3 millions of euros. In contrast, the smallest number was Sweden. There is a slightly increase from 0.8 millions of euros in 1999 to 1 millions of euros in 2004. Denmark and Belgium got 2 and 1.7 millions of euros respectively.

The number of sale of bananas saw a fluctuation in 1999 and 2004 of 5 countries. Switzerland got highest number at 15 and 47 millions of euros in 1999 and 2004. While UK and Belgium saw an increase around 4 millions of euros, Sweden and Denmark decreased around 1 millions of euros.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The 2 (If a number is small, and is not a data value on the table, chart, or graph, write it in words. e.g. "The two tables....) tables compare ~~about~~ (compare about is incorrect. "Compare takes a direct object, not a prepositional phrase.) sales of Fairtrade branded coffee and bananas in ~~among~~ 5 nations in Europe in 1999 and 2004, measured in millions of Euros. ~~total sale values~~. (measured in + units. Measure in tonnes/ measured in grams / measured in pounds ...) (What were the five countries?)

Overall, the ~~figures of~~ (Avoid the use of "figure" to refer to a data value or set of data values. In this context, a figure is a graph, table or chart introduced into the article. ) sales ~~values~~ of these 2 products tended to increase. (This is an understatement. The total sales of coffee in 1999 in all these countries was 8.1 million Euros. It rose to 30.7 million in 2004, or a factor of 3.7. For bananas, the sales values were 20.4 and 58.3 respectively, a rise of a factor of 2.8. ) However, the increases were different among the 5 countries, and there was a slightly decrease in bananas sales values in Sweden and Denmark.

(You made the same mistake again. You need to pay attention, study adverb uses and not make this mistake again!!

This is from your previous essay:

the proportion of consumed water has a slightly difference,

Note: "slightly" is an adverb. Adverbs do not modify nouns. They modify adjectives. The correct phrases are "slightly different" or "slight difference."

These are correct:

- a slight increase
- a slight decrease
- a slight difference
- a slight change

- it increased slightly
- it changed / went up / fell / declined slightly

The sale ~~values~~ of labelled coffee in UK had a dramatic fluctuation. (wrong word) In 1999, it was just 1.5 millions of euros (wrong form. 1.5 million euros ) ~~were gotten by selling coffee~~ and this rose sharply, reaching the highest number (wrong word. Number is used for countable things.) at 20 millions of euros in 2004 among 5 countries. Switzerland hold the 2^nd position of earning from selling coffee. In 2004, it got 6 millions of euro, (comma splice error) it was twice as much as its number in 1999, which was 3 millions of euros. In contrast, the smallest number was Sweden. There is a slightly increase from 0.8 millions of euros in 1999 to 1 millions of euros in 2004. Denmark and Belgium got 2 and 1.7 millions of euros respectively.

The number of sale (wrong word. Number is used for countable things. Sales is non-count. ) of bananas saw a fluctuation in 1999 and 2004 of 5 countries. Switzerland got highest number at 15 and 47 millions of euros in 1999 and 2004. While UK and Belgium saw an increase around 4 millions of euros, Sweden and Denmark decreased around 1 millions of euros.

Units:

The unit of measure on the graph is "millions of euros."

But we do not use this expression for writing individual data values: These are correct

fifty Euros
one million Euros
fifty million Euros
a half million Euros

Count / Noncount

Use number for things that we count:

The number of people at 6 am was 150.
The number of boxes of pencils was 35.

The number of bananas eaten was 10,000 (This means that 5,000 people ate two bananas each.)

Use amount or value for non-count:

The value of coffee sales in 1999 was 50 million Euros.
The amount of coffee sold in the coffee shop was 40 liters.

Fluctuation:

These graphs show fluctuation. Fluctuation can be cyclical (third graph) or random (first and second graphs) . You cannot see any fluctuation pattern in 2 or 3 data points!

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