IELTS writing task 1 - Help me correct my essay please.

Question

The bar chart below shows the top ten countries for the production and consumption of electricity in 2014. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.-----------------------The bar chart compares the quantities of electricity that was produced and consumed in the top ten countries in 2014. Those countries were China, the United States, Russia, Japan, India, Canada, France, Brazil, Germany, and the Korea Republic.Overall, the ten countries' values were arranged from high to low and the electricity was measured in billion kWh. The United State and China were the two countries which produced and consumed electricity much more than the other countries. Almost values of electric production in the top ten were higher than the values of electric consumption except for Germany‘s ones. In 2014, China had the highest production and consumption which were 5398 billion kWh and 5322 billion kWh respectively. It was followed by the United States, which produced 4099 billion kWh and used 3866 billion kWh, which is the country in the second position for electric production and consumption in 2014. In addition, Russian produced 1057 billion kWh electricity in 2014 and they consumed almost it, at 1038 billion kWh.Furthermore, there was 936.2 billion kWh electricity that was produced in Japan and the Japanese used 856.1 billion kWh. Next, the consumption of India was pretty lower than the production. India’s consumption was 871 billion kWh and the production was 698.8 billion kWh. Moreover, Canada produced 618.9 kWh electricity and consumed 499.9 billion kWh in 2014. The electric consumption and production of France were 462.9 kWh and 561.2 kWh respectively. Those of Brazil were 455.8 kWh and 530.7 kWh respectively. On the other hand, Germany’s electric production was 582.6 kWh and it was slightly lower than the electric consumption that was 526.6 kWh. Besides, Korea Republic produced and consumed electricity the least in the top ten. This country had the electric production was 485.1 kWh and the electric consumption was 449.5 kWh.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Task 1 requires a minimum of 150 words. You wrote twice that number, a very ponderous essay. It is much better to write about 170-200 words for Task 1. That way, you can focus on accuracy and correct grammar.

If you just copy the values from the chart to the essay, it will not gain you much credit. You are not expected to mention every single data point. Focus on the main features and comparisons rather than simply copying the data values.

For example, here are some interesting comparisons that were not in your essay:

The ratio of the amounts of electricity produced in China (the highest producer) to lowest (Republic of Korea) was more than 11:1.
The US produced about 75% of the amount of electricity that China did. Whereas China used nearly all that it produced, the US consumed about 95% of its production.
There was a large gap between the second and third ranking countries. Russia, in third place, produced 25% of that of the US, and slightly less than 20% of that of China. Like China, it used almost all of the electricity that it generated.
France, Brazil and Germany (ranking 7, 8 and 9) had very similar production values, ranging from 526 to 561 billion kWh. This was a little more than one tenth that of China.
India consumed only 80% of what it generated. That was the lowest percentage of all the countries listed.

Your use of transition phrases is forced and unnatural.

The bar chart compares the quantities of electricity that was (subject/verb mismatch) produced and consumed in ~~the top~~ ten countries in 2014. Those countries, the largest producers of electricity in the world, were China, the United States, Russia, Japan, India, Canada, France, Brazil, Germany, and the ~~Korea~~ Republic of Korea.

Overall, the ten countries~~' values~~ were arranged from high to low in terms of electricity produced, and the electricity was measured in billion kWh. The United State and China were the two countries which produced and consumed much more electricity ~~much more~~ than the other countries. Almost values (Wrong expression. There are high values, low values and small values, but no "almost" values.) of electricity production ~~in the top ten~~ were higher than the values of electricity consumption except for Germany‘s ~~ones~~. (Nine of the ten countries produced more than they consumed. The exception was Germany.)

~~In 2014,~~ China had the highest production and consumption which were 5398 billion kWh and 5322 billion kWh respectively. It was followed by the United States, which produced 4099 billion kWh and used 3866 billion kWh, which is the country in the second position for electric production and consumption in 2014. (This is repetitious. You have already told the reader that the data is for 2014. Do not repeat it. You also wrote that China was highest and the US was next. So you do not need to write "second position." ) In addition, Russian (wrong form. Russian is a person from Russia) produced 1057 billion kWh electricity in 2014 (This is repetitious.) and they consumed almost it, (wrong expression) at 1038 billion kWh.

Furthermore, there was 936.2 billion kWh electricity ~~that was~~ produced in Japan and the Japanese used 856.1 billion kWh. Next, the consumption of India was pretty lower (wrong expression) than the production. India’s consumption was 871 billion kWh and the production was 698.8 billion kWh. Moreover, Canada produced 618.9 kWh electricity and consumed 499.9 billion kWh in 2014. (This is repetitious.) The electric consumption and production of France were 462.9 kWh and 561.2 kWh respectively. Those of Brazil were 455.8 kWh and 530.7 kWh respectively. On the other hand, Germany’s electric production was 582.6 kWh and it was slightly lower than the electric consumption that was 526.6 kWh. Besides, Korea Republic produced and consumed electricity the least in the top ten. This country had the electric production was 485.1 kWh and the electric consumption was 449.5 kWh.

Anonymous · Answer

The graph gives the information on the op countries for production and consumption of electricity in 2016 year

overall, China had produced more electricity comparision to other nine different countries and Korea. Rep had produced very less electricity in comparision to china

In year of 2014 china had produced nearly. 5.400 billion kish electricity but they had used near same amount of sleptricity whereas United states had produced one thousand less than china but the campsumption is was also less than production of electicity. The production of electricity to three countries that is Bussia Japan and India was in between s00 to 1100 billion kwh whereas the consulption was from 600 to 1000 h billion h

secondly, Korea Rep, had less amount of production which is nearly equal to soa billion kwh. Since the production less. consumption was a 450 bition kwh, Franch,Brazil and Germany had nearly same amount of production and consumption of electricity whereas Canada had 100 times more production then those countries.

IELTS writing task 1 - Help me correct my essay please.

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