IELTS writing task 1 - Help me check it out please

Question

The chart below shows how frequently people in the USA ate in fast food restaurants between 2003 and 2013.---------The bar chart depicts the rate of coming to fast food restaurants of American in three points of time which were 2003, 2006, and 2013, by the way, the bar’s unit is measured in percentage.Overall, people in America seemed to come to fast food restaurants regularly in three years 2003, 2006, and 2013. Many Americans tended to eat at fast food restaurants once a week in 2006, but they frequently consumed fast foods there once or twice a month in 2013.In 2003, there were over 31% of Americans came to fast food restaurants once a week and this figure went to about 33% three years later, in 2006. Nevertheless, in 2013, the percentage of people who ate in fast food restaurants every week significantly dropped to 27%. Besides, the figure for Americans who ate fast foods on the spot once or twice a week stood at 30%, however, it dramatically decreased to 25% in 2006 before reached to 33% in 2013.On the other hand, the percentage of Americans eating at fast food restaurants every day was lowest, it was only 4% in 2003 and it went to 3% in both year 2006 and 2013. In addition, the rate of Americans who never ate at fast food restaurants was low too, in 2003, the figure for it was 5 in percentage, but lower in 2006 and 2013. The number was 4% in those two years.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The bar chart depicts the rate of coming to fast food restaurants of American in three points of time ~~which were~~ 2003, 2006, and 2013, by the way, (Never write phrases like "by the way" in Task 1) The y-axis is ~~bar’s unit is measured in~~ percentage.

The bar chart plots the relative frequency distribution for the number of times per year that Americans had a meal in a fast food restaurant. There is one data set for each of three years, 2003, 2006 and 2013. There are six categories, ranging from 365 (every day) to 52 (once a week) to 0 (never).

Note: A relative frequency distribution is a special type of bar chart. The X-axis has all the various possible categories. The Y axis shows the percent or fraction of responses (occurrences) in each category. The total of values in all the categories in each data set is 100%. These type of charts often display a "normal distribution", also called a "bell curve."

In this chart, look at the values in the data sets

2003: 4 + 17 + 31 + 30 + 13 + 5 = 100
2006: 3 + 20 + 33 + 25 + 15 + 4 =? 100
2013: 3 + 16 + 28 + 34 + 15 + 4 = 100

Each category has the relative frequency of occurrence of its value. That is the reason it is called a "frequency distribution." This name has no connection to the name of the categories which also happens to be frequency of eating at a fast food restaurant.
For this type of chart, you need to know the word "mode". It is the category that has the highest value.

Overall, people in America seemed to come ("seem" is not a proper vocabulary word for Task 1. You are describing a mathematical chart. It is real, not "seem", which is a guess.) to fast food restaurants regularly in three years 2003, 2006, and 2013. Many Americans tended to eat at fast food restaurants once a week in 2006, but they frequently consumed fast foods there once or twice a month in 2013.

In 2003, there were over 31% of Americans came (ungrammatical clause structure. You have two main verbs, "were and "came". It is not a good sentence.) to fast food restaurants once a week and this ~~figure~~ (wrong word. Use a pronoun, such as "this".) went to about 33% three years later, in 2006. Nevertheless, in 2013, the percentage of people who ate in fast food restaurants every week ~~significantly~~ dropped significantly to 27%. Besides, the ~~figure~~ percentage of ~~for~~ Americans who ate fast foods on the spot (wrong expression) once or twice a week stood at 30%, however, it dramatically decreased to 25% in 2006 before reached (You need a subject for this verb) to 33% in 2013.

On the other hand, the percentage of Americans eating at fast food restaurants every day was lowest, it was only 4% in 2003 and it went to 3% in both year 2006 and 2013. In addition, the ~~rate~~ (Rate is a special word. Do not use it unless it is specifically given in the chart. ) percentage / proportion of Americans who never ate at fast food restaurants was low too, (com ma splice error - ungrammatical sentence) in 2003, the ~~figure~~ ~~for it was 5 in percentage,~~ it was 5%, but lower in 2006 and 2013. ~~The number~~ It was 4% in those two years.

This essay is too long, but gives you some ideas of vocabulary and phrasing.

The bar chart plots the relative frequency distribution for the number of times per year that Americans had a meal in a fast food restaurant. There is one data set for each of three years, 2003, 2006 and 2013. There are six categories, ranging from 365 (every day) to 52 (once a week) to 0 (never).

Overall, the statistics show that Americans are going to these eating establishments less frequently over time. However, most people, well over 9 in ten, do eat there at least a few times a year. The percent who have a meal at one of these places every day is about the same as those who never eat there at all.

These data sets exhibit a fairly normal frequency distribution, with the mode moving from once a week in 2003 and 2006 to about half that (once or twice a month) in 2013. Over half of all Americans frequented these restaurants once a week or more in 2003 and 2006, 51% and 56% respectively. This dropped to less than half (47%) by 2013, when a third reported that they went to fast food places just once or twice a month. In contrast, a quarter of Americans went that often in 2006, compared to 30% in 2003. The percentage who completely avoid fast food did not change much. It was 5% in 2003 and 4% in the later two surveys. That was also the case for those who had fast food every day, 4% in 2003 and 2-3% in 2006 and 2013.

Anonymous · Answer

The bar chart illustrates the frequency of USA citizens ate fast food from 2003 to 2013.

Generally speaking, most USA inhabitants ate fast food once a week or once twice a month while least inhabitants ate fast food every day. The habit of eating fast food did not show many fluctuation.

Regard with majority of population, more than 30% Americans claimed that they used to eat fast food once a week, while exactly 30% American ate fast food once or twice a month in 2003. In 2006, around 32% USA citizens went to fast food store once a week but only approximately 25% citizens went to fast food shop once or twice a month. In 2013, the percentage of American who went to fast food shop once a week was dipped, stood at about 27%. However, the proportion of citizens went to fast food shop once or twice a month soared, numbered 33%, reaching the peak.

On the other hand, only few everyday fast food eaters in America, amounted to 3%, 2% and 2% in 2003, 2006 and 2013 respectively. Only 5% USA inhabitants, moreover, prefered not eating fast food in 2003 and 4% hold the same idea in 2006 and 2013.

IELTS writing task 1 - Help me check it out please

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