IELTS Writing Task 1: Consumption of Spreads

Question

The line graph compares how much margarine, low fat and reduced spreads, and butter were consumed between 1981 and 2007.

It is clear that while both butter and margarine experienced a sharp fall over the period shown, there was a significant rise in the consumption of the other types.

In 1981, the consumption of butter and margarine was about 140 gram and 90 gram respectively. In the following five years, whereas the amount of butter consumed continued to rise, peaking at approximately 160 grams in 1986, the figure for margarine fell steadily, stopping at exactly 80 gram.

In 1966, the data about low fat and reduced spreads started to be recorded and the amount consumed became more and more, jumping to around 85 grams in 2001, which is the same as the figure for margarine in the year. Over the next six years, the consumption of margarine dropped considerably, landing at 40 in 2007 while the amount of low fat and reduced spreads experienced a much smaller decrease, just by 10 grams.

Tuan Le 6612 · Accepted Answer

Hi guys! I'm learning English. I am aware of your time limit and you are all busy. However, if possible, I hope you could spend some time looking at my writing and giving me some feedback so that I can improve my writing.

Question: The graph below shows the consumption of three spreads from 1981 to 2007

This is the graph for the essay above. Thanks so much. Have a nice one!

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Please post essays in the writing (essay) forum:

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The line graph compares how much margarine, low fat and reduced spreads, and butter were consumed between 1981 and 2007.

That is not correct. If I read this without the graph, I would expect something like 516,290 kilograms of margarine and 450 tonnes of butter, because you don't specify that the values plotted are 1) per day and 2) per person. You must describe the figure completely and accurately in the first paragraph.

Suggestion:

The line graph compares how many grams of margarine, low fat and reduced spreads, and butter were consumed per person per day during the period 1981 to 2007.

~~It is clear that~~ While the consumption of both butter and margarine fell ~~experienced a sharp fall~~ over the period shown, there was a significant rise in the consumption of the other types. (Incorrect form. There was only one other type compared.)

Try to give 3 important observations in the "overview" paragraph.

Suggestions:

You missed the very important point that the low fat & reduced spreads were not eaten before 1996.
Butter consumption was much higher than margarine at the start of the period, but lower than the other two spreads in 2007.

In 1981, the consumption of butter and margarine was about 140 grams and 90 grams respectively. In the following five years, whereas the amount of butter consumed continued to rise, peaking at approximately 160 grams in 1986, ~~the figure for~~ that of margarine fell steadily, stopping (wrong word. It is not stop there.) at exactly 80 gram.

In 1966, the data for about low fat and reduced spreads started to be recorded and the amount consumed grew became more and more, jumping to around 85 grams in 2001, which is the same as the figure for margarine in that year. Over the next six years, the consumption of margarine dropped by 50% ~~considerably~~, landing at 40 in 2007 while the amount of low fat and reduced spreads had ~~experienced~~ a much smaller decrease, just by 10 grams.

IELTS Writing Task 1: Consumption of Spreads

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