IELTS Writing task 1 (bar chart) - Please help me with my task 1 essay!

Question

The bar chart below shows the numbers of students who chose certain university subjects in 2005. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

My essay:

The bar graph give information about the number of students who selected to study different university subjects in the year 2005. In general, more men than women selected science subjects while non-science subjects were picked by most female students.

According to the given data, the numbers of male students in Sciences and Mathematics were much more higher than those of females. While Social Sciences got the highest number of students with nearly 40 thousand in total, the figure for The Art was lowest and it was about 12 thousand. It is also clear that Social Sciences was the most popular choice for women.

Very few male students chose Languages and The Art to study: only about 2 thousand and 3 thousand students respectively. However, in Literature, there were over 15 thousand male students compared to about 12 thousand female students. The only subject which had as many males as females was Humanities.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

You wrote 153 words. That is over the minimum, that is, points will not be deducted, but it is not very safe. Aim to write 170-190 words for Task 1.

Your paragraphing is not logical. There is a simple formula for the structure of Task 1 essays, and you should, in nearly all cases, follow it.

The bar graph give (wrong form) ~~information about~~ (That is very vague. "Information about" can mean almost any attribute. There is no information about a number on this chart.) the number of students who selected to study different university subjects in the year 2005. (Your paragraph is incomplete. How many subjects are there?) (You must begin a new paragraph here because the topic has changed. Each paragraph has one main idea. Paragraph 1: describe the infographic. Paragraph 2: Give the main features you observed in the data. Paragraph 3: Give some details and comparisons.) In general, more men than women selected science subjects while non-science subjects were mostly picked by ~~most~~ female students.

~~According to the given data,~~ (That is a useless phrase. It tells the reader nothing about the information.) the numbers of male students in Sciences and Mathematics were much more higher (Ungrammatical comparative) than those of females. While Social Sciences had ~~got~~ the highest number of students with nearly 40 thousand in total, ~~figure~~ (wrong word) ~~for~~ The Art (incorrect form) had ~~was~~ lowest and it was about 12 thousand. ~~It is also clear that~~ Social Sciences was the most popular choice for women.

Very few male students chose Languages and The Art ~~to study~~: only about 2 thousand and 3 thousand students respectively. However, in Literature, there were over 15 thousand male students compared to about 12 thousand female students. The only subject which had as many males as females was Humanities.

Here are some more ideas for this task:

If you add up all the numbers, you will find there are equal numbers of men and women, 95 thousand. That is an interesting observation. Your main point can be: Equal numbers of men and women enrolled in these subjects, although there were great individual disparities per subject.

With these totals you can talk about the proportion of each group who selected one of the subjects. For example, only 3% of the men chose to study languages, compared with 42% who picked Math or Science.

The ratio of women to men in languages was 9 to 1; for every 10 students enrolled in languages, 9 would be women and one would be a man.

Science ranked as the first choice for men, followed by math, literature, social sciences and law.
Among the women, social sciences ranked first, followed by languages. Nearly half of all the women (44%) were in one of these two majors.

The least popular subject was the arts with a total enrollment of 12 thousand students, the majority of whom were women, (10 thousand.)

The subject with the highest overall enrollment was social sciences, with 38 thousand. Humanities was unique in having equal numbers of men and women.

IELTS Writing task 1 (bar chart) - Please help me with my task 1 essay!

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