[IELTS writing task 1 - BAR CHART] please help me

Question

Hello,I've finished my IELTS writing task 1 with bar graph. But I don't know whether I've confused line graph and bar graph in this essay. Please help me by reviewing it.Thanks a lot!The bar graph compares the numbers of two sexes in terms of British home students and international students in Britain from 2010 to 2012.Overall, British home students outnumbered ones who came from abroad in three years. It is also clear that the quantity of international students increased gradually in both sexes, while those of the other student group had a significant fluctuation in men.Looking at men, there were roughly 39 thousand British home students in 2010, which nearly doubled the quantity of international students. In 2011, the number of male home students decreased dramatically to be nearly equal to the figure of international students, at roughly 25 thousand. Finally, both student groups witnessed the increase in their quantity in 2012 with about 43 thousand for home students and 39 thousand for international students.In terms of women, nearly 14 thousand international students studied in Britain, which was only as a half as the quantity of home students. In 2011 and 2012, the number of home students increased to 39 thousand and 45 thousand respectively, while the other student group witnessed the increase to 18 thousand and 20 thousand respectively.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Combination graph, a bar graph superimposed on a line graph

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The bar graph compares the numbers of two sexes (Wrong phrasing. This implies that there are more than two sexes.) in terms of British home students and international students in Britain from 2010 to 2012.

You did not include the instructions, so I cannot evaluate your first paragraph. However, I suggest this:

The

You did not include the instructions, so I cannot evaluate your first paragraph. However, I suggest this:

The two bar graphs, one for men, and the other for women compare the numbers of university students, British national and international, for each year between 2010 and 2012. There are four categories that can be compared over the period: UK males, UK females, foreign males and foreign females.

Overall, British home students outnumbered those ~~ones~~ who came from abroad for all in three years. ~~It is also clear that~~ The quantity of international students increased gradually on both graphs ~~in both sexes~~, while that of British males varied more than the other categories ~~those of the other student group had a significan~~t ~~fluctuation~~ (Wrong word) ~~in men~~.

Of the four categories, the international women had the lowest numbers, being less than half of their British counterparts in each year. There were more British men than women in only one of the three years, 2010.

Looking at the numbers for men, there were roughly 39 thousand British ~~home~~ students in 2010, which was nearly ~~doubled the quantity~~ double that of international students. In 2011, it ~~the number of male home students~~ decreased dramatically to be nearly equal to the number ~~figure of~~ international students, at roughly 25 thousand. Finally, both student groups ~~witnessed the~~ increase in their quantity in 2012 with about 43 thousand for home students and 39 thousand for international students.

In terms of women, nearly 14 thousand international students studied in Britain, which was only as a half as many as ~~the quantity of~~ home students. In 2011 and 2012, the number of home students increased to 39 thousand and 45 thousand respectively, while the international ~~other~~ student group ~~witnessed the increase~~ grew to 18 thousand and 20 thousand respectively.

Avoid anthropomorphic verbs – witness, see, experience – in Task 1. They are inappropriate for scientific or mathematical contexts. They are very good for reporting or argumentative essays. Use them in Task 2. Avoid using them in Task 1.

[IELTS writing task 1 - BAR CHART] please help me

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