Ielts writing task 1: Bar chart

Question

(This is my first time I have written this type of writing.( Bar chart) I have read all your advice and three samples before. I hope it will be acceptable.

Title: The chart below shows the results of a survey about people’s coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities.

Here is my body:

The bar chart plots the percentage of citizens buying and drinking for each different types of coffee through a conducted survey in Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide and Hobart cities in Australia in the last four weeks.

Overall, the statistics shows that the highest proportion of inhabitants going to a cafe for coffee or tea is in Melbourne city. In contrast, at the same city, there is the lowest percentage of individuals buying fresh coffee.

The first option is the percentage of residents buying fresh coffee. There is a nearly same amount of residents in Brishan and Adelaide with almost thirty-five percent. In contrast, the highest number of people consuming this type of coffee is almost forty-five percent.

The second option is the proportion of people enjoy coffee or tea at a cafe. Compared to Melbourne, Hobart city reached the second rank of people's consumption for coffee or tea. On the other hand, the percentage of Adelaide is lower than Hobart by over ten percent.

(170 words).

Anna Walker · Accepted Answer

WRITE DESCRIPTION HERE

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The bar chart plots the percentage of citizens buying and drinking [1] for each different types of coffee [2] through a [3] conducted survey in Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide and Hobart [4] cities in Australia [5] in the last four weeks.

There are five major errors in the introduction.

1. citizens buying and drinking for each different types of coffee

That makes no sense at all.

2. through

Incorrectly used.

I buy all my books through Amazon's website.

Surveys do not sell things. You cannot buy coffee through a survey.

3. We do not put "conducted" before the noun. It comes after the noun.

"a survey conducted in .."

4. We do not put "city" after the name unless it is part of the name. e.g. Mexico City is the capital of Mexico. Vatican City is in Rome.

5. Misplaced phrase. Was the survey conducted in the past four weeks?

No.

The placement of words and phrases is critical in English. If you are unsure of the correct placement, write very short sentences that give the information accurately. It might take several sentences, but at least it will be correct.

e.g

A survey was conducted in five cities in Australia, Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide and Hobart. The survey asked people about what they had done regarding drinking or buying coffee within the past four weeks.
The bar chart plots the results of the survey, the percent responding positively to the questions about purchasing fresh coffee, purchasing instant coffee, or drinking coffee or tea in a cafe.

I answered another student posting this essay recently. There is a sample essay at the end.

https://www.englishforums.com/English/PleaseWritingTaskTestCambridge-15/bpzvzg/post.htm

Anna Walker · Answer

Thank you. And What's about my body? Could you check my body, please. I don't know what mistakes of my body are?

Anna Walker · Answer

(In your professional eyes, this essay maybe still have umgramamtical mistakes but I am trying to make efforts and study more.)

Here is my body:

The bar chart plots the results of the survey about what people had done regarding drinking or buying coffee within the past four weeks in Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide, Hobart cities of Australia.Overall, the statistics shows that the highest percentages in each city were the people who had gone to a cafe except for Adelaidae. In contrast, there is the lowest percentage of individuals who had bought fresh coffee.The first option is the percentage of residents who enjoyed coffee or tea in a cafe. The cities of Sydney, Hobart and Melbourne had the highest proportions on the chart with over sixty percent. In contrast, the cities of Brisbane and Adelaide had the lowest percentages (relatively over 55% and almost 50%).The second option is the proportion of people who had bought fresh coffee. There is a nearly same percentage of people in Brisbane and Adelaide with almost a third. While the highest percentage of citizens who had bought fresh coffee is in Sydney with almost 45%.

Ielts writing task 1: Bar chart

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