IELTS WRITING TASK 1

Question

Please give me feedback on this essay. Thank you very much

The maps illustrate the changes that have taken place in the university sports courts from 1990 until now.

Overall, the university courts have experienced a number of changes, the most significant of which are the appearance of an indoor complex and the demolition of a park and a car park.

In the northwest of the map, there used to be a park, but it was then removed to make way for a basketball court. Besides, a tennis court has been relocated from the right end of the university courts to the southwest and expanded to four yards, replacing the car park that used to be situated there.

Moreover, everything to the right of the map is now indoors. The cafe, reception, and pool have remained unchanged. But there have been slight differences, with the relocation and expansion of the changing room and the construction of a fitness center to the north of the pool.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

You barely wrote enough words to be over the minimum. Aim to write 170-190 words for task 1.

The vocabulary is not the best.

1. Experience.

Courts do not have experiences. They do not see or think or feel, do they? How can a court experience changes?

2. Appear

Physical structures such as buildings do not just "appear". They are erected, constructed or built. "Appear" is for magic, or unexpected apparitions.

The coherence and cohesion of your essay is very poor.

It is just a random list of items, rather than a smooth flow of well-organized information.

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays. I write about common vocabulary issues for task 1.

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

The maps (How many? Is there a map every five years - 1990, 1995, 2000...- showing when these changes occurred?) illustrate the changes that have taken place in the university sports courts from 1990 until now.

Overall, the university courts have experienced (inert objects do not experience anything. ) a number of changes, the most significant of which are the appearance (magic?) of an indoor complex and the demolition (wrong usage. We demolish tall buildings, not flat surfaces.) of a park and a car park.

In the northwest of the map (What map are you writing about? There is more than one. The reader is confused.) , there used to be a park, but it was then removed to make way for a basketball court. Besides, a tennis court (There is more than one here.) has been relocated from the right end (wrong word. On maps always use compass directions. At least be consistent! If you are not consistent, you lose points for coherence.) of the university courts to the southwest (To the "direction" requires a reference point.) and expanded to four yards, (wrong words) replacing the car park that used to be situated there.

Moreover, everything to the right of the map (That means it is not shown in the diagram. It is off the right side of the paper.) is now indoors. The cafe, reception, and pool (Incorrect reporting. The pool did change. It was enclosed. ) have remained unchanged. But there have been (wrong verb form) slight differences, with the relocation and expansion of the changing room and the construction of a fitness center ~~to the~~ north of the pool.

Demolish: The excavator / steam shovel is demolishing the building.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Writing Task 1 essays comparing maps.

Outline:

Paragraph 1: Introduction - Describe the maps. How many are there?

Paragraph 2: Overview - Report the main features.

Paragraph 3/4: Comparisons

For before-after maps I recommend one paragraph for "before" and another with the differences.. This strategy give a high degree of coherence and cohesion.

Sample essay (~190 words)

The two maps of a university's sports area, dated 1990 and present day, illustrate the changes that have taken place.

Overall, the area has been built up with more facilities for the students. In particular, there is a new building with a fitness center and a new outdoor basketball court.

In 1990, the east side featured an outdoor pool and two tennis courts where students could get exercise. They could also walk or jog in the large park in the northwest quadrant. There was a reception, changing room and café centrally located and parking in the southwest corner.

Now, there are several additional ways for the students to engage in sports. The reception, café and pool are basically in the same location, but they are now inside the new fitness center building which features a gym. Moreover, the changing room is much larger. The old park and car park, half of the area on the west side of the map, now sports a basketball court on the north side and four new tennis courts on the south side.

IELTS WRITING TASK 1

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